When I went home over the holidays I was faced with a difficult decision. I didn't do very well... at all... in my exams last trimester which led to me failing three papers overall- even though my internal results were much better. Because of that I only have four papers now instead of seven, which is just enough but not much to rely on.
So my mum said to me, "I think going to university was a mistake. I don't think you're cut out for it."
It hurt me to hear that, because it's pretty much true. I wont deny that I don't have a very strong work ethic or that I'm even more tired, unhealthy and anti-social than I was at home. Hell, during my 2nd week of trimester 2 last week I missed classes on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, and I didn't do any revision.
To top it all off the FHSS has decided that I'm not qualified for French after all (which is probably just their mistake, but if it isn't I'll have to chose another paper), so I'm really stressed.
I don't sleep or eat well, and people have almost stopped trying to talk to me. I haven't seen my "friend" Megan since I got back, and my neighbours, Emily, Monique and Larissa are the only people who I really talk to, when I see them.
I think after this year I'll either leave or rethink my degree. I just don't know what to do. I like it here in Wellington, but I'm much too easily distracted and stressed out and I have this huge debt already... something like $6-7000. It hurts my head just to think about it (so I don't- think about it, I mean).
I guess I'm waiting for some kind of epiphany or a second chance to swoop down and make everything better, which isn't a very good way to live.
x
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Thursday, July 14, 2011
I've been reading through old posts on this blog, from back when I posted once or twice or three times a day and all the problems I had with my family and friends and just life in general went on here. At point I shook my head at how stupid I sounded (still sound?).
It all makes me a bit sad, overall. Nostalgia is part of it, but reading how I thought about some things and how I documented myself ruining things that could have been, I don't feel so good about who I used to be. I think I've changed a little since last year, maybe a lot.
Anyway, I don't what this post is or where it's going, so I'll stop now and go to bed. I have to up at 7 tomorrow morning. Gotta catch the bus so I can see Harry Potter!!!
x
It all makes me a bit sad, overall. Nostalgia is part of it, but reading how I thought about some things and how I documented myself ruining things that could have been, I don't feel so good about who I used to be. I think I've changed a little since last year, maybe a lot.
Anyway, I don't what this post is or where it's going, so I'll stop now and go to bed. I have to up at 7 tomorrow morning. Gotta catch the bus so I can see Harry Potter!!!
x
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Quick post because I haven't written anything since June 16th... D:
- Been back at home on holiday since my last post, mainly just working for Mum, paying off debt, and this week earning again. I met the group for a couple of days but since then have barely seen them, which really sucks. Three weeks, and I saw them once. It's because my holidays are out of sync with theirs.
- But! going to Harry Potter part 8 next Friday!! I've already booked my tickets back from Wellington. They were $5o exactly, which is pretty exorbitant but also worth it.
- Planning on going to Dylan Moran on August 27th. So excited I can't do words. You'll just to imagine some mental explosions/fireworks/babbling :)
- Aaand finally Mum is driving me home to Wellington tomorrow, and uni starts again on Monday.
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