Just sitting in the library... bit bored and all. Hmm. I was supposed to be meeting my friend Helena at 12 but she texted and said she couldn't come, so now the only reason I'm here (besides my lecture at 1, which I don't think I'll be going to now that Helena's not) is to pick up an essay at 2. I've already got one essay back today and I'm quite angry about it... I mean at myself, because the fact that I failed is my fault. My mark was bought down from a 62 to a 45 because I turned it in late, so I got a fail instead of a B-. Totally my fault. Otherwise it was an average essay. But the other one will hopefully be better, god I hope I passed.
Dad replied to an email I sent him saying that his girlfriend, who works for the government (in some way I don't know of) says to check with Government Services in Wellington to see if they have jobs. So that's three options now: the government, a supermarket or something else in Wellington. Our e-mail s are always three line things with a couple kisses at the end. As I'm sure most of you know my parents are divorced (oh, woe is me!), and my dad and I don't talk much. Still, he says I can come and visit him in the holidays... might as well right? He's getting along in years and his cholesterol's pretty bad. Then again I'll probably have to stay with my dear Auntie Sam, since he's broke and now lives in a one bedroom apartment. That'll show him, spending every night at the pub and living in freaking central Auckland.
Hm, I like it on this floor. Level 7, a quiet floor, lots of bookshelves. I'm at a table facing a window. It's pretty yucky outside... and it poured when I was waiting for the bus to come up here. It was madness.
I'm sorry this post is a bit long. You don't have to read it. It's drivel really. I just have some time to kill. I think after this I'll go to the campus bookstore or something. I can't really afford to buy another book but one of those $13 Penguin Classics with the lovely orange covers can't hurt, right? And then I'll see how busy the Hunter Lounge is. It's probably packed, since it's all grey and drizzly outside.
I didn't sleep last night. For the past week it's been 5am bedtime, up at 3pm, 5am bedtime, up at 3pm... so I decided to right that and pull an all-nighter. I've been up since 3 yesterday afternoon (20 hours and counting). I'm really tired but I have a V by my side and I should make it til 4pm. Then I can sleep until midnight. That's what I do. It's the only way I can be up in time for classes, if I wake up at 3am or something. The only problem is that all the nearest shops are shut and breakfast doesn't begin until 7am, and I'm not really a breakfast person.
Did I say this floor was quiet? Nope. The pipes are making an obscene amount of noise.
That's a cool story, Rosie! Tell it again?
Time to go.
xx
Sunday, September 11, 2011
New things and new plans.
Bought these two books today! - The Talisman, by Stephen King and Peter Straub, and A Game of Thrones by George R. R. Martin. The latter's been turned into this amazing TV show so I had to buy the book, which was only $20. I had a nice surprise yesterday when I looked at my bank account. Studylink gave me a large back payment from my student allowance, so I decided to spend some of it.
At the back of my mind lately has been what I should do during the summer holidays. It probably deserves a front seat, but I shoved it to the gloomy end of the room where I don't have to look at it. I'm supposed to find a job and a place to stay, and I have two options so far:
So there's that. But of course I have to finish the year at uni first. Pass my exam and other tests, etc etc. It'll all be over by October 31st...
At the back of my mind lately has been what I should do during the summer holidays. It probably deserves a front seat, but I shoved it to the gloomy end of the room where I don't have to look at it. I'm supposed to find a job and a place to stay, and I have two options so far:
- stay in Wellington, where work and accommodation is easier to find, but miss out on a lot of stuff back home (New Years probably).
- stay in Fielding, where there's the possibility of a job and board with one of my mum's friends, and be closer to my friends.
So there's that. But of course I have to finish the year at uni first. Pass my exam and other tests, etc etc. It'll all be over by October 31st...
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
new journal!
I bought a new journal yesterday! It was five dollars from the Whitcoulls down the road :D I've already made a start on it but of course I've ripped out three pages already because I 'ruined' them. Ahh. So picky.
this is the inside front cover. ignore my slightly crazy eyes.
today I made what was probably a bad decision- spent $22 at the supermarket, partly on a magazine (which had a harry potter poster inside!). Soo that's $40 gone in two days and $10 left. great.
this is the inside front cover. ignore my slightly crazy eyes.
today I made what was probably a bad decision- spent $22 at the supermarket, partly on a magazine (which had a harry potter poster inside!). Soo that's $40 gone in two days and $10 left. great.
Monday, September 5, 2011
my list book
I've decided to stop using this blog for dumb anecdotes and whining, and instead use it for what some people call "proper blogging".
So I'm sitting at my desk, it's 2.15 in the morning, I'm strung out on 1.4 litres of coke and a packet of toffeepops and I'm wondering what to do with my time on the internet. My eyes wander and fall upon this:
This is, simply put, the best journal I've ever owned. I bought it at a bookstore on Auckland's North Shore, while my dad waited (a tad impatiently).
I love it because I'm a journal snob, and this was the perfect purchase. It was $13, I think. The lines are perfectly spaced, the design is simple, the inside covers are a vibrant pink (though I covered them up with images I found on deviant.art):
The very first thing I wrote in this journal was a detailed list of all the crap I'd bought in Auckland (I was there on holiday with my sister, visiting my dad). At the bottom of the page is evidence of my terrible math. First it's $226 total, then $227, then $231. I think I gave up at that point and used a calculator.
I bought this journal in 2008, on Saturday the 12th of July. I know this because as well as using the front of the book for lists, I turned the back into a travel diary. There's an index, too and, oh! the first 80 pages are numbered. Hello, everyone, I'd like to introduce you to 15 year old me- the me who indexed and numbered her journals.
Also in the travel diary section are accounts of:
Further back is a list I made for Vinegar Hill:
There's also a list of music I wanted to download, demonstrating my music taste in 2009:
all people ever bought me (and still buy me) are art supplies and books.
The reason why I wanted to post all this is because at some point I fell out of touch with my list-making, journal-keeping self, and I think that's sad. Since this journal is full I think I need to find another (and it has to be fabulous).
God, it's 2.30 now. I should go to bed....
but I won't :)
x
So I'm sitting at my desk, it's 2.15 in the morning, I'm strung out on 1.4 litres of coke and a packet of toffeepops and I'm wondering what to do with my time on the internet. My eyes wander and fall upon this:
This is, simply put, the best journal I've ever owned. I bought it at a bookstore on Auckland's North Shore, while my dad waited (a tad impatiently).
I love it because I'm a journal snob, and this was the perfect purchase. It was $13, I think. The lines are perfectly spaced, the design is simple, the inside covers are a vibrant pink (though I covered them up with images I found on deviant.art):
pink! god, I was a bit odd back then.
(sorry about the bad quality; my webcam is crap).The very first thing I wrote in this journal was a detailed list of all the crap I'd bought in Auckland (I was there on holiday with my sister, visiting my dad). At the bottom of the page is evidence of my terrible math. First it's $226 total, then $227, then $231. I think I gave up at that point and used a calculator.
I bought this journal in 2008, on Saturday the 12th of July. I know this because as well as using the front of the book for lists, I turned the back into a travel diary. There's an index, too and, oh! the first 80 pages are numbered. Hello, everyone, I'd like to introduce you to 15 year old me- the me who indexed and numbered her journals.
Also in the travel diary section are accounts of:
- A dog show I went to in Taupo, 1st-2nd November, 2008
- The Kawhatau Base tramp, 18th-20th May, 2007 (copied from a diary before I threw it away)
- Westwood Camp, 11th-17th January, 2009
- My stay in Christchurch with my Aunt, 13th-17th July, 2009
- Vinegar Hill Camp, 3rd-8th October, 2009.
Further back is a list I made for Vinegar Hill:
There's also a list of music I wanted to download, demonstrating my music taste in 2009:
good taste, y/y?
and a list of what I got for Christmas that year, too:
all people ever bought me (and still buy me) are art supplies and books.
God, it's 2.30 now. I should go to bed....
but I won't :)
x
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Little by little I've been getting a better idea of what I want to do with my life. My biggest dilemma is that most of the places I want to go are too far from all the people I love, so you're all going to have to come with me or I'm not leaving. I know that life is about change, but I don't want to accept that I wont always be within bussing distance of my friends and family. Since I moved I haven't done a very good job of making new friends. I've become known as the hermit, or the shut-in, who people see once a week or less. So leaving the country is scary, even though the idea of new things still excites me.
Nevertheless, I've given a lot of thought to my future career and there are a few things that appeal to me:
- owning an independent bookstore
- working in a museum
- something that has to do with writing
I just don't think my current degree is worth it. More and more I've been feeling like this isn't the right path to be taking, but I don't know what else there is. I think I need to talk to a careers advisor.
Still, even if I do change my papers or leave Vic completely, I've already got this huge debt to pay off. So perhaps I should take a year to save up, maybe get a flat and a full time job.
But I need to finish this year first, and I need to finish it well. Because I'm not going to make these last 7 months a waste of time. No. I'm going to home for the Christmas holidays proud of myself, so I can honestly say that I went to univeristy and I tried. I don't want to be known as the first of my family in generations to go to uni and fail.
Anyway, it's 2.32am. I should be getting to bed soon, or at least getting off the cmputer and reading for a bit :)
xx
Nevertheless, I've given a lot of thought to my future career and there are a few things that appeal to me:
- owning an independent bookstore
- working in a museum
- something that has to do with writing
I just don't think my current degree is worth it. More and more I've been feeling like this isn't the right path to be taking, but I don't know what else there is. I think I need to talk to a careers advisor.
Still, even if I do change my papers or leave Vic completely, I've already got this huge debt to pay off. So perhaps I should take a year to save up, maybe get a flat and a full time job.
But I need to finish this year first, and I need to finish it well. Because I'm not going to make these last 7 months a waste of time. No. I'm going to home for the Christmas holidays proud of myself, so I can honestly say that I went to univeristy and I tried. I don't want to be known as the first of my family in generations to go to uni and fail.
Anyway, it's 2.32am. I should be getting to bed soon, or at least getting off the cmputer and reading for a bit :)
xx
Friday, August 5, 2011
oh god, i know i shouldn't be writing this because it's late and i'm not feeling good about stuff so it's all going to sound really whiny, but
apart from all the uni stress i don't feel particularly good about my life and where i'm at right now
i feel overweight and unwell and i don't know how to fix that because i'm too set in my ways and i don't know how to break out of it, and i know people will try to give me advice if i asked but it all just goes over my head, you know i think for a second maybe 'that's a pretty good idea' but then i've dismissed it again. i think (because i haven't weighed myself in a month) that i've put on five, maybe six kg since the beginning of year, and it's affecting everything. i feel extremely self conscious, all the time, and it's tiring. every time i go out to buy food i think 'something healthy this time!' and then i buy potato chips or chocolate.
it's worse because now i can go out and buy all the junk i want since i live in the city and there's no one telling me not to do it. my mum would, but i don't tell her.
i know everyone has mixed standards, like some people say 'you shouldn't worry about weight!' and others say that you have to be skinny to be happy and i just don't know what to think. people are always saying to me that i'm a normal weight or even that i'm skinny (i know! ridiculous!) but when i look at myself... i feel actual disgust. i want to cut off all the gross bits until i'm as toned and as sexy as i imagine i could be if i'd only work for it.
it's not like this is new, though. even at my smallest i still felt too big. it's always been there, or at least since high school started, when some of the girls in my year frequently called me "pregnant" and i started to realise how my stomach wasn't flat and i looked weird in the school shirts. i used to call my sister fat (because, well, she is a lot bigger than me) but i've realised how completely shit that must have been for her because i know that feeling like this is completely shit for me.
so yeah that's been enough for today & i'm sorry about this post.
apart from all the uni stress i don't feel particularly good about my life and where i'm at right now
i feel overweight and unwell and i don't know how to fix that because i'm too set in my ways and i don't know how to break out of it, and i know people will try to give me advice if i asked but it all just goes over my head, you know i think for a second maybe 'that's a pretty good idea' but then i've dismissed it again. i think (because i haven't weighed myself in a month) that i've put on five, maybe six kg since the beginning of year, and it's affecting everything. i feel extremely self conscious, all the time, and it's tiring. every time i go out to buy food i think 'something healthy this time!' and then i buy potato chips or chocolate.
it's worse because now i can go out and buy all the junk i want since i live in the city and there's no one telling me not to do it. my mum would, but i don't tell her.
i know everyone has mixed standards, like some people say 'you shouldn't worry about weight!' and others say that you have to be skinny to be happy and i just don't know what to think. people are always saying to me that i'm a normal weight or even that i'm skinny (i know! ridiculous!) but when i look at myself... i feel actual disgust. i want to cut off all the gross bits until i'm as toned and as sexy as i imagine i could be if i'd only work for it.
it's not like this is new, though. even at my smallest i still felt too big. it's always been there, or at least since high school started, when some of the girls in my year frequently called me "pregnant" and i started to realise how my stomach wasn't flat and i looked weird in the school shirts. i used to call my sister fat (because, well, she is a lot bigger than me) but i've realised how completely shit that must have been for her because i know that feeling like this is completely shit for me.
so yeah that's been enough for today & i'm sorry about this post.
Monday, August 1, 2011
bit better.
Things are better now. At least I know I'm not going to be kicked out or anything. Today I had a meeting with Student Learning Support and got some advice on essay writing, so that should help a bit.
I mean I not completely appeased- I'm still really worried, but I don't have to think about having to find something else to do. I'm still here, I'm still allowed to be here, and that's good enough for now. And I've been getting to more classes and sleeping more. So~
I mean I not completely appeased- I'm still really worried, but I don't have to think about having to find something else to do. I'm still here, I'm still allowed to be here, and that's good enough for now. And I've been getting to more classes and sleeping more. So~
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