Thursday, September 19, 2013

lord of the blog: the return of the king

Is it time for me to pick this blog back up again? I have this hope that if I keep using it, other people will come back. I know I say this a lot but I really miss having a little community of friends on here. I don't know who started it but man... it was so nice to come home from school and write up a blog post and read my friends' blog posts, and to have a little more insight into their lives and to give insight into mine, too.
I mean I have tumblr now but I don't use it for long posts like I used to on here.

I'll get started then.

I've been thinking about my novel lately. It's at 60,000 words and I've started wanting to change it. I mean all of it. It began with my main character as a lifetime resident of London, but I think it might be better if she was a newcomer, and it might be better too to not name the city as London considering I know barely anything about it. But I still want to set the story in England, so I don't know. I want to reshape the world I built and make it more believable. I also need a lot more female characters. So far the gender difference is about a 35/65 split. There's one gay man and one trans* woman, and I have two black characters and several other foreigners (hailing from South Africa, Germany, France, Ukraine & more) but I still think I need more diversity. London is a very diverse place.

I'm not going to post this on my Tumblr. My grandma died on Tuesday afternoon. Dad was there and he sent Tori and I messages on facebook when it happened. He said she went peacefully.

She was very sick and I knew this. I don't have many regrets in life (what the heck am I talking about I have like 900) but my biggest one is not travelling up to Auckland to see her before this happened.

I feel strange about it. I feel like... I should be more sad? Like I should think about it more? But by Tuesday night I was back to life as usual.

I finished Breaking Bad season 5 and started a Buffy rewatch, beginning with season 1.

My phone has been missing since I got back from France (it must be in my room somewhere, but I still can't find it!) so I'll need to go into Palmerston North soon and get a new one. Probably a smartphone.

That's it then. The first entry of my return to blogger. I guess I'll attempt to coerce my friends back into it, but I doubt I'll be successful. I think most of them have grown up and away from internet diary writing.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

France Blog Day ??? (September 19th) – Back at home.


Wow. I can’t believe it’s been almost a month since we got back… I wanted to come back to this and add in some things, and update this last entry on how we got home and what happened after I left off in France. It’s still pretty fresh so hopefully I can remember things well enough!

 So I packed. It took a long time - most of the day, I think. I procrastinated on my laptop writing stuff and playing solitaire, and Nai kept coming into my room to see how I was getting on, and so did Roo and Jess, and Ellie kept finding things she'd forgotten and shoving them into the suitcase with reckless abandon. I'd then have to sigh, get up, and fix it. Nana actually helped us pack properly though. I did try, but eventually I conceeded to the fact that I wasn't doing a very good job. Things just didn't seem to fit the way they had on our way here. Maybe it was partly due to the fact that I was trying to put as little as possible in my carry on bag, to avoid massive shoulder and neck pain.

I had my laptop all charged up and ready to go so that I could use it in the three airports (Paris, Hong Kong, Auckland) that we'd be waiting in over the next 30 hours. My battery allows for about 4 hours of usage depending on what I'm doing.

I cried when we said going to everyone at the train station in Montpon. I didn't plan that - I didn't realise how much I would miss everyone. I hugged them all - Nana, Papa, Nai, Roo, Jess and Andrew - and Andrew said, "You're welcome in our house any time, okay? We'll miss you." And that made me cry a bit more. They'd all been talking about me going to live with Nai and Andrew and the kids while I do my teacher training. It's a lovely thought, that those four people want me to stay for so long. But I'm not sure if I'll do it. You all remember what happened the last time I spent an extended amount of time in England.

So anyway, we got on the train to Bordeaux, and that... that was an experience. Ellie and I sat with the suitcase on a row of three seats. There was another row of three opposite us, and then a space to the left where people boarded and disembarked the train, and a tiny loo. It was roomy enough, I guess. The most interesting thing that happened was that a guy (a cute guy) got on with a little ginger cat on a red leash. I honestly don't know why he doesn't just get a carrier cage or something, because that little cat pissed everywhere. The guy put it on the ledge beside the door and it just... weed, all down the side. And this guy had no idea what to do. There were about ten people all up in the little space. I caught the eye of the girl sitting across from me and we shared an amused look. He sat on the floor with the cat and did nothing about the piss. Cat pee usually smells awful but I didn't smell anything, so at least we got to ride with the cleanest cat (or near enough) in the world.

Now, Bordeaux is motherfucking g o r g e o u s. Second only to Sarlat in my France Travels. The shopping area is all narrow and colourful with buildings that rise up on either side, and segway off into more streets, on diagonals, not boring straight lines. And the buildings match! They match! It made me feel the same as when I saw Wanaka (South Island) in 2010. The buildings just all go together, like rama lama lama ke ding a de dinga dong.

Bordeaux was a bit stressful though. It is, as you know, in France, and in France they speak, as you know, French. So finding a way to get from the train station to the airport took a bit of time and two visits to the information centre. I tried to pretend, when I saw the Info Centre Guy for the second time, that I hadn't just been in there talking to him ten minutes previously. If it hadn't been for Ellie asking a bus guy where we could find the Airport Shuttle, I might have walked off completely in the wrong direction. That was one time when having Ellie along actually came in handy.
 
The shuttle cost a whole 7 euro, which was bollocks, but we made it to Bordeaux airport with heaps of time to spare. We found an ok cafe and I got out the old laptop and spent about an hour catching up. It was, of course, a super ridiculous time in the morning in New Zealand, so no one was online. I made a status on facebook, made a post on tumblr (no notes) and checked hotmail, blogger, ao3, my sideblogs, my friends' blogs, my kiwibank and youtube.

Then: 

Plane, Paris airport was shit, planeplaneplaneplaneplaneplaneplaneplaneplaneplaneplane, Hong Kong was alright, planeplaneplaneplaneplaneplaneplaneplaneplaneplaneplane, Auckland, plane, Palmerston North. The number of planes is equal to the number of hours we spent on them.

I'd like to go back, though, and talk a little more about Hong Kong, because some things happened there. I think we spent around six hours? I was so happy that I'd managed to get a couple hours nap on the plane from Paris. It meant that I could slouch around Hong Kong without the crippling need to fall onto the floor and go to sleep. We got there so far ahead of the plane to Auckland that our flight wasn't even on the board yet. We arrived around 3pm but our time didn't show up until 7pm. We got McDonald's (they have nuggets... right... but the numbers of nuggets are 3... 9... or 20....) and saw a man eating fries with chopsticks. I had a moment of major panic because when we got to the foodcourt I realised that I'd left my wallet (with all my money, my eftpos card and some other bits inside) with the baggage trolley downstairs. I ran down the escalator (or tried, but in Hong Kong you Do Not Do That, and I was stuck behind two girls the whole way. I went over to the trolleys and had a frantic-lookaround, and may have freaked out in the face of a confused Russian woman who couldn't understand me, but the info desk was right behind me and it turned out that some beautiful, lovely person had handed my wallet in. I had to name three things that I had inside and then they gave it back! Wonderful.

So we got McDonald's and then went back downstairs and made our way to the gate. I sat online for a bit (on the airport computers because I ran down my laptop battery while we waited in Paris) and then napped on the seats. It was mega empty. Ellie charged her iPod at the chargy place. She wasn't exactly watching over the bags while I slept but luckily no one touched them.

Cue 11 hours on a plane. I watched movies and slept.

In Auckland we were told that our big bag was still in France and that it would be put on the next flight to Palmerston North. That was another thing I had to deal with. I had to be the reliable adult all the way from France to home, and it was exhausting. I did an okay job. I got us where we needed to go, but I hated it.

And so now we're home. Every now and then I think I do not fucking miss airports and planes at all, but I do miss France and Family.

A France Updatey Thing

So I've been gone, I guess? Since 2012. But I'm back! For a little bit. This will be one very long post concerning my travels in France. This was all written up on word while I was actually... in France. It's over 3000 words and 6 pages long. (A Home Again update will follow.) Brace yourselves...



Day 1. (August 10th)

            The South of France (le Sud de France?) looks just how you would imagine it does, only better and more beautiful. The toll roads, which we stuck to for the better part of the 9 hour drive, are clean and well-kempt, but boring, and have the tendency to pass by the major cities rather than run through them. We get glimpses of cathedrals, ruins, and pretty French cities over the metal railings, but it's an altogether unsatisfying view.

            The country roads, however, are exquisite. I don't think I've ever used the word exquisite to describe something before, as I am not a posh Englishwoman describing a glass of wine, but they really are. They're not as well maintained as the toll roads, and the twists and turns and unprotected ditches that drop down several metres would scare some people, but in the sunlight the fields gleam dark green, bright green, brown-green and even blue, as do the vineyards, the fields of maize and olives, the muddy little lakes and the creamy white villas. It's how I imagine the Greek island of Corfu to look, from the descriptions in Gerald Durell's memoir, My Family And Other Animals.

            And the little towns... my god. Imagine this: you're driving along a stone road between rows of houses all made of seven different kinds of brick; there are shiny French people wandering the pavement, all brown and dressed in bright reds and oranges; you pass a boulangerie, a patisserie, and several corner cafes where more brown French people sit sipping from tiny cups; then you round a corner and you see, in a little courtyard off to the left, a crowd of formally dressed people milling around what looks like a movie set – I think it was a wedding reception or something like that. The courtyard is so brightly lit by the sun that everything shines brilliantly, and there are flowers everywhere. It was like something out of another world – so different from my normal Kiwi lifestyle.

            The last little stretch was rife with massive chateaus nestled up on the hills or bearing down on the smaller residential areas. We saw ruins off in the distance (ruins are quite common here), and lots and lots of sunflower fields.

            The house we've booked to stay at for the next two weeks is so, so nice. There are five bedrooms in all, each with an en suite bathroom with shower and/or bath, and all the rooms are themed – mine is gold, Ellie's is pink, Jess and Oliver's is sapphire blue and Nai and Andrew's is emerald green. I'm not sure what Nana and Papa's is. There's also a sizeable kitchen, lounge, and dining area, a huge laundry, and a backyard that looks out over a lake. We have a pool, too, and a barbecue.

            Last night we sat outside for dinner (barbecued chicken, roast potatoes, grated carrots, capsicum stuffed with olives and mozzarella, and cous cous with tomato), but I was so tired and miserable from the journey here that I couldn't really enjoy it. I'm actually writing this on the 11th, since there's no way I could have mustered the energy to type a journal entry yesterday. Some wasps came along and started buzzing around the food so I went back upstairs (everyone was finished eating by this point), and watched a few episodes of Soul Eater before going to sleep at about 9pm.


Day 2. (August 11th)

            I woke up at around 6-7 this morning. I can't be quite sure because my clocks are all wrong, but it was very early. The window in my room (and most of the others) has a switch-powered shutter that, when lowered while the air is cool, keeps that cool air inside all night. It also keeps the light out, so when I woke up I was blind – couldn't even see my hand in front of my face. I turned on the bathroom light (which blinded me more for a few seconds), and since 8am have been watching Soul Eater and playing Solitaire. It is, apparently, almost 10 now, but I'm not sure that's right since I haven't had a definitive answer on the time yet.

            It took a while for everyone to get up but I think they all are by now. I'm pretty sure I can get away with doing absolutely nothing for a few days. Everyone seems to be in the same tired, unfocussed frame of mind (except Ellie, Jess and Oliver, but they're all under 14 years of age so it's probably to be expected). The problem is that when Nai and Nana etc say “We're going to do nothing for three days!” they really mean “We're going to socially do nothing for three days, together! But we're also going to swim and take walks, which isn't actually nothing.” In short, I'm going to encounter at some point a knock on the door and someone coming in to say, “Rosie, we're taking a two hour long ramble along the shore of the lake,” or, “Rosie, we're going to the beach,” both which end with, “Do you want to come?” to which my answer is, always, whether I'm on holiday or not, “Fuck no.”

            But we'll see what happens. For now I'll sit in bed in my room with the curtains drawn, watch Soul Eater (episode 7 and a half already!) and try to avoid everyone.


            So it's now 5.20pm. I've sat outside with everyone, played table tennis with Roo, eaten lunch and watched the Polar Special episode of Top Gear with Jess. But Nai just came into my room and asked me why I was sitting in my room, and she sounded quite cross. She obviously doesn't know me very well (understandable, considering we see each other once every 3-5 years). I'm an introvert, with a bit of extrovert mixed in. I can be very social, I like parties, and there are many people who I love spending time with, but a lot of conversation and interaction does eventually wear me down. Add to that the fact that I've just spent 4 days travelling and have had awful hayfever and a cough for two of those days, and you have a pretty big incentive for me taking some alone time. I have NEVER been a super outgoing person. I value very much the hours I spend watching tv shows alone. It's just what I do.

            Truthfully I would happily give up this entire vacation for my room in Woodville again, but only if no one noticed me being gone. I miss the internet, I miss my bed, I miss not being cripplingly tired by 9pm, I miss being alone 24/7 and being able to slouch upstairs after work to catch up on my youtube subscriptions and watch my tv shows and drink Coke. But I'm not going to complain about any of that (aloud) while I'm here, I'll just breathe a massive, pent-up sigh of relief when I finally step through my door again in just over two weeks' time.

            The good thing is that while it is sweltering outside, inside it's quite cool. If this were like a New Zealand summer, when it's just hot everywhere, I wouldn't be able to handle it at all.


Day 4 (August 13th)

            So I feel a lot better now. Yesterday was really nice. We went to la supermarche two towns over and did a big shop. I got some chips and pistachio nuts and coke etc. I read about 100 pages of my book (Sailor Song) in the lounge where it's nice and cool, and then after dinner we played a game of Yahtzee. It was super super hot yesterday but I didn't feel it that much.

            Today we're having a quiet day and then going to the night market at the town we were in yesterday. I think it starts at around 8.30.

            I'm still peeved about not having internet. Most of that peevishness comes from not being able to contact Cecile, who is no doubt waiting for me to let her know when I can visit. I'm also wondering about less important stuff like the current state of my blog, and how many likes my recent facebook statuses have. Charmaine (the lady who owns this house) isn't sure when the internet will be back on though. Things move quite slowly in the South of France. The cause for all this is a hailstorm that happened a couple weeks back. Hailstones the size of golfballs destroyed the sunflower and grape crop near us – driving past we can see the damage quite clearly, bent stalks and broken supports and petal-less heads all facing down sadly.

            So I guess I'm just going to spend another hour or two upstairs watching Soul Eater (epsiode 15 now) and eating pistachio nuts before I go down to sit outside. It's getting to the hottest part of the day (11am-4pm) and I really don't like sitting in direct sunlight. It hurts my eyes and it's altogether very uncomfortable for me. The fact that I spend all day everyday indoors back home probably contributes to this, but that's just me I guess. Some people, like Nai and the kids, love it. At least Andrew also doesn't seem to like it much, either, so I'm not alone in that.


Day 5 (August 16th)

            Was really good today, sat outside for quite a while and may even have a tan... not much else to report from today though. Andrew and Roo went fishing and the rest of us watched for a little bit and I went... swimming.............. after dinner.


Day 6 (August 15th)

            Today we went to Sarlat! It’s this really, really old town (established 1550 or something?). We stuck to the old areas rather than explore the shiny new streets, which I much preferred. They were shadier too. We had lunch at a nice little cafe. I had tomato soup with garlic basil and croutons, and the others had croque monsieurs and paninis. I bought two postcards and a little string doll thing, basically using up the rest of my cash. We still don't have internet so I can't do any internet banking, which really sucks.

            We had yummy barbecued salmon for dinner. Nana and I did, anyhow. The rest of them had squid. Blegh. I did try some though! Didn't like this particular squid much but I'm not going to write it off altogether.


Day 7 (August 16th)

            I'm not doing very well with keeping up with this!! It's actually the 18th today and I've had to go back and write entries for the 16th and 17th.

            Sooooo 'today' I had a free piano lesson from Timothy, the teenage boy who lives next door. I was pretty much forced into it by Charmaine, his mum, who owns the house we're staying in. I went over there just to ask about the internet (which we still do not have), and then I asked who was playing the piano. Turned out to be Tim. He's 15 but he looks 18 (we were all surprised by how old he is) and like Charmaine he's English. So a couple hours later I went next door and he taught me some stuff. He's very funny and I had a good time. I'd say 30% of it was serious piano playing and the other 70% was joking around. We really clicked in terms of humour. You know when you’re talking to someone and you’re just a completely different wavelength to them? Like you’re speaking a different language and it’s just… awful. It was nothing like that with Tim. I hope it's not gross to say that he's really cute. Nai agrees with me there...

            At about 4pm we went to St Emilion, which is a lovely little place... somewhere. It took some time to get there – bout 40 minutes I think. Could've been 20 minutes. Not sure. Anyway, it's basically a town of wine shops and wine makers, and it also has this tower called Le Tour De Roi, which means The Tower of the King. This tower is advertised as having 100 steps but actually has 118. We climbed all of those steps and spent about 10 minutes at the top before going back down. I hated it because a) upwards movement is bad, b) the steps were very uneven, narrow, dark and scary and c) it was stupid. After the tower though we had a little wander up the streets of the main part of town. We only stopped once, at a wine shop helmed by a “dishy” (Nai's words, not mine) English bloke. Nai and Andrew bought 3 bottles of white wine and then we went home.

            My legs still hurt from climbing that tower. It would've been fine if it weren't so scary but because on the way down I was so tense and shaky I now have very sore thighs. They're fine now except for when I'm going down stairs or sitting on the loo.

            We got back from St Emilion at euhhh... I'd say 7pm? And had dinner, can't remember what... I think chicken and sausages. After dinner I went swimming and it was rubbish because Ellie was being all show-offy. I ended up getting out after 10 minutes.


Day 8 (August 17th)

            'Today' we went to Bergerac! A big city about 50 minutes drive away. It was very busy when we got there and it took a wee while to find a park because there was a market on in the square, but we finally found a place in an inside parking thingy.

            I pretty much had only two things on my mind the entire time we were there and they were a) my lack of money and b) the stall I'd seen from the car on our way round to find a park: a stall that sold... One Piece figures. Something I never thought I'd see in the middle of a smallish day market in the South of France. I mean, I was really, really surprised, and very pleased.

            Before leaving I'd called Mum and asked if she could put $100 in my account because without internet I couldn't get on Kiwibank to transfer money between my savings and eft-pos accounts. When we got in the car and got going though, I realised that she might put it in the wrong account, so I was worried about that the whole way there.

            Thankfully she chose the right one. Ellie and I went off in search of an ATM (called an ATM, still, in France, according to Andrew). I withdrew a whole 60 euro which meant I could both pay Ellie the 16 euro I owed her AND buy two One Piece figures (a Zoro and a Luffy) AND a Strawhats pirates flag, the likes of which I had seen hanging on the walls of certain bloggers in their selfies and wanted for a long, long time. Those three things were 28 euro all up (I worked out later that there is 62 euro to every 100 NZ dollars, which means those three things I bought cost $45 – not bad!)

            We didn't get back until 7pm, had dinner (pasta) at 8, then strawberries for dessert, and I went upstairs at 9. I watched some of Soul Eater (up to episode 31 now) and some of the Top Gear Botswana special before going to bed at 11.45.


Day 9 (August 18th)

            And that brings us to the current day! Thankfully we're having a quiet one. Andrew and Roo are off fishing (or were – I think they're back now) and the kids are in the pool. I'm writing this up in my room and eating the cashew nuts that I bought a couple days ago.

Day 12 (August 21st)

            The days have started to blend together and I'm not entirely sure what I did two days ago. Yesterday we walked 8 kilometres (5 miles) there and back to Villefranche en Lonchat, the village closest to our manoir. It was torture, pretty much. I wasn't particularly out of breath but my feet were killing me, and I got this awful pain in my ankles. And all this for a market that wasn't even on! We got drinks at a cafe instead and then walked all the way back, after which Papa, Andrew & I went to the Intermarche to get dinner.

            I think... on the 19th we did nothing at all? Or I did nothing. Ah yes, I remember: everybody except me went to a market someplace (I didn't go due to a stomach-ache). Later in the day the Chances went to see about this canoeing trip we wanted to do and to find the train station in Montpon. Nothing much else happened.

            And today we did go canoeing. I was not happy about being paired with Ellie because she was fucking useless. We trailed behind Nai and the others the entire way. I haven't much good to say about today at all, except that I finished reading American Gods. I'm really super pissed off with Jessica. She is sweet but when she insults you she says it in this cutesy little voice just like normal, as if you shouldn't be offended. Still, she's only 11, and I probably shouldn't be so mad.

            Ahhh, only 2 full days left! I'm sad and happy at the same time. Some days have been really wonderful, and some places, too. I've taken some amazing photos and bought some cool stuff, but I'm really ready to go home now. I don't like being around so many people for so long, especially people who all except so much of me. I want to get back to Woodville and my 10-5 job and my cosy bed and my morning chats with Mum and my afternoon chats with Nick. I haven't been to see Cecile either which I feel massively guilty about.

            I'm also itching to get on the internet. It's been about 11? 12 days? And I just really... want... to go on... I want to catch up on my youtube subs and check my tumblr most of all. I bet I have several messages from Cecile asking me what's going on too.

            Nana and Papa's anniversary dinner is tomorrow. I'm fairly sure that the day after that, the last day, we won't be doing much at all. I suppose I should make the most of the time I have left.


Day 13 (August 22nd)

            Good day today – it's Nana and Papa's 40th wedding anniversary (the ruby anniversary), so tonight we went out for dinner and it was really nice. We went to this Spanish restaurant 5 minutes away. The menus were in French but the food was Spanish, and our waitress was Spanish too, so when I asked for “plus de l'eau, s'il vous plait” (more water, please) she got confused and said the Spanish word for water. Luckily Nai and Andrew have been to Spain and speak a little of the language, and we got the message across. Nobody got the wrong food or anything, but the lady did bring us a small bucket of ice instead of the wine glasses that Andrew asked for (he said glass, which sounds the same as the word for ice). I had steak and chips and then crème brulee. Most of the others had a ham entree and then pork, which was the set menu (and cheaper), then crème brulee, but Nai and Roo had paella and since I don't like ham I just had a main.

            Earlier today at breakfast Nana and Papa opened their cards and presents. Nai and Andrew got them a framed, blown up version of one of their wedding photos. It's pretty incredible to think that they've been married just a little less than twice as long as I've been alive.

            We went to this town after breakfast, called R... something. It was completely dead – no cars on the roads, barely any people – because French people sleep during the middle of the day in summer due to the heat. We got drinks at a little cafe and then walked around a bit, stopping mostly to look at this partly ruined castle from the early 1300s. It was closed though, so we couldn't do the tour. The castle was this sandy creamy white/brown colour, and bits of it were very run down, but we read on the information at the tourist centre that they’ve been doing renovations on it for a while. We also walked around the back of the castle and up a little hill to a church (also closed). When we started back down the bell in the bell tower started ringing, and it didn’t stop for quite a while. I’m not sure what that meant. A faulty bell maybe? A faulty tower? Haha faulty tower…

            When we got back I read heaps of my book (The Lost World by Arthur Conan Doyle). It's not a very long book to begin with, only 244 pages. I think I read 150 or so today. After that we went to dinner and now I am upstairs in my bedroom about to go to sleep!


Day 14 (August 23rd)

            Today is our last full day!! I'm equal parts happy and sad. On the one hand I will miss everyone a lot, but on the other I am so ready to go home. I just wish I didn't have to endure 30+ hours of planes and airports to get there. I'm absolutely dreading Hong Kong airport because of what happened last time. I was so incredibly exhausted but I couldn't sleep because I had to watch Ellie and the bags. She just went right to sleep and left me to fight to stay awake in the departure lounge. Our stopover is even longer this time. I thought of nothing but my cosy bed the entire way to London, and I doubt it will be any different on the way back.

            So I've packed most of my things (our suitcase seems a lot fuller than it was when we got here, though we don't have much more stuff) and tidied my room. There are just a few things I've left out, such as my bathroom bits (contact lens stuff, toothbrush, toothpaste) and some more fragile things (notebooks, a drawing from Roo, an embroidery pattern for mum) that I'll pack last.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

bad, bad day

i feel awful - not physically, just mentally and emotionally and possibly spiritually too.
which is weird because on monday i had this... long, long moment of gratitude and peace. i was sitting on the bus to wellington listening to jeff buckley and looking at the sunset and i just... i thought "i'm allowed to be alive," or something like that, and i legit teared up right there on the bus (which was nearly empty anyway). it didn't help that i was listening to lover you should've come over because that song kILLS me man


and then today i just had the shittiest day possibly of my life in that NOTHING went the way it should have. i was late to the station and missed my first bus and then i booked another, only i missed that one too because the ticket guy led me to believe that i was catching a train. i know i shouldn't blame him but i really did think it was a train i was catching. i sat there on platform nine watching the bus i was supposed to catch leave the station and i stood up and went inside and asked where the train was and the lady said "yeah, this is a bus ticket", and i just broke down. i couldn't handle it. after all that crap i came up with about not worrying where you are in the world so long as you have the means to get home.

i wasted $30 on bus tickets then spent another $30 on tickets for buses that i did catch. and probably another $100 more on movies and food. i'm a bad person and i shouln't be allowed to handle money.

and i am physically hurting. i did... something to a muscle in my butt. yeah. ahh. it hurts when i cough and when i sit on it. i have work for 8 hours on friday too. just thinking about it makes me want to quit my job. i won't though, obviously.

but hey, enough negativity. i should try and focus on the cool people that i met at weir house, the conversations i had, the movies i watched. and that bus journey in, during which i felt so good to be alive and not dead. to have lived 19 whole years practically unhindered by major upsets, mostly healthy and happy at least half the time. i have all the things i need to make a life for myself. i have a brain, a body, a job, and people who love me. so why let one terrible day spoil that feeling? i've decided i won't. i'm going to try and get that feeling back as often as i can.

:)

Monday, March 19, 2012

almost a month away and now I'm back!

whew. over 3 weeks with no new posts. I just wanted to update y'all since i know not all of you have my tumblr link (just ask if you're interested).

so let's see:
  • I have a job! my friend Leone got me a trial at her work (a chinese/vietnamese restaurant in feilding) and so I did that last Thursday and now I have a job for Thursdays and some weekends. It's pretty good, easy... you know. And I got paid, even though it was just a training thing and I didn't do much! I've never been a waitress before. It's fun :)
  • There's another possible job on the horizon, at the Mobil in Feilding. They're looking for someone right now so I handed in an application yesterday. It's an after school/weekends thing. I really really hope I get it :3
  • I don't have a flat yet, but we're still looking. Nadia pulled out so it's just me, Isaac and Breandan now.

that's it really! :))

Sunday, February 26, 2012

so I decided to take down all the nanowrimo and nano related posts on this blog. I was getting tired of putting them up and stuff. I passed 17,500 words today, which I'm really happy about! I haven't seen anyone around here in ages (before keryn and rachel's recent posts, anyway). maybe it's time I abandon this blog for a while again.

Monday, February 20, 2012

hey hey!

hey guys! thought I ought to write another one of these, it's been so long since the last one. I am still at home (!!! :((( !!!) but the flatting thing is def moving forward! mum wants to buy us a house in feilding that she can rent to us, and we've found this really great place which we're checking out on sunday. if all goes well we'll get a loan and buy it, probably in the next couple weeks. I've applied for a job at Countdown and tomorrow I'm going in to hand out heaps more CVs around town, mostly at the supermarkets, the warehouse and places like mitre 10 and farmlands and stuff.

but for now I'm kinda just... drifting, at home. mum doesn't like it much but I don't really know what else to do. I don't have anything going right now except for this pub quiz every wednesday night, which me, keryn, james and jess m do. it's good fun, and 15-20 bucks each time. better than nothing! :)

right, well, gonna go finish watching my movie. I've been slowly getting through Das Boot... it's so so long... :D

xox