Don't Read This

I'm always something, but I'm never something that means something to me. I always feel something, but it's never the right something. I barely ever feel good, because I worry too much, and even when I am happy, I have this niggly little voice saying it'll all be over soon, and then you can go back to being obsessive and annoyingly not what you want to be. Even when I am happy, I'm not, because there's always an underlying thought that I'm never strong enough to drown, always something I have to let back up sometime because it has to breathe, air out, and wrap itself around my brain one last time, and that's it (but it never is).

I'm always jealous, but I'm never willing to change in order to fit the moulds I want (or are they the moulds of society?). I'm always thinking I could be different, and I'm always wondering what it could be like, and I dream- oh I dream- but that never helps, of course, because we all know that if you want to get the things you want, you have to act.

And I'm never, never sure. I am never sure about anything, but I'm always sure about something which pretty soon I will not feel sure about, again, and it's a never ending cycle, a maelstrom, of not knowing what to think and why and when and how to think it.

I am sure I'm making sense, but only to me, and I don't count, because they're my thoughts and I make only what I want to make of them.

And so I'm sorry for spewing on everyone tonight, but I wanted to be sure (and we know what this means) to write this down, and keyboards are quicker than pens, and at least it'll be there for people to see and hopefully to understand.

Straight from the heart, guys, that's what I'm giving, and that's what you're getting, and by now you've pretty much ignored my title, haven't you? It's too late to turn back now.

Song: Wicked Game, Chris Izaak. Go.

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Aaand now to deviate from the emotional, idiotic, teen angst side of this blog post, and onto the real- no wait.

That was it. That was all. No "real world" shit tonight, because I basically just realised that there isn't one, right now.


So, uh, bye.
*runs away*