The Road

Please, just read this:

Well, I think we're about two hundred miles from the coast. As the crow flies.
As the crow flies.
Yes. It means going in a straight line.
Are we going to get there soon?
Not real soon. Pretty soon. We're not going as the crow flies.
Because crows don't have to follow roads?
Yes.
They can go wherever they want.
Yes.
Do you think there might be crows somewhere?
I don't know.
But what do you think?
I think it's unlikely.
Could they fly to Mars or someplace?
No. They couldnt.
Because it's too far?
Yes.
Even if they wanted to.
Even if they wanted to.
What if they tried and they just got half way or something and then they were too tired. Would they fall back down?
Well. They couldn't get half way because they'd be in space and there's not any air in space so they wouldnt be able to fly and besides it would be too cold and they'd freeze to death.
Oh.
Anyway they wouldnt know where Mars was.
Do we know where Mars is?
Sort of.
If we had a spaceship could we go there?
Well. If you had a really good spaceship and you had people to help you I suppose you could.
Would there be any food and stuff there?
No. There's nothing there.
Oh.

They sat for a long time. They sat on their folded blankets and watched the road in both directions. No wind. Nothing. After a while the boy said: There's not any crows. Are there?
No.
Just in books.
Yes. Just in books.
I didn't think so.

-Cormac McCarthy.

And that's exactly as it is in the book. No speech marks, and no apostrophes in places. It's an amazing book. Won the Pulitzer Prize. I love it.

Anyway. Today has been pretty good. I slept for ages last night and therefore wasn't so tired today. Got up at 11AM, did some chores, checked my mail. Then we had lunch, which was bread rolls with cold meats (beef and ham and stuff) and tomato and cucumber and things. And then we played Monopoly, Tori and Ellie and I. It was a very, very good game. You know those games where everything just quickly goes to shit? When one person has all the money and all the best streets and you're like fffff. Well, I had the browns, light blues, pink and reds and hotels on everything, and Ellie had the yellows and dark blues and Tori had everything else, and it took something like 3 hours and even then we just had to quit because it was dinner soon.
And for dinner we had lamb patties with pita bread and couscous, and now I'm on here.

And tomorrow we're going to play Scrabble :D

xx

And Suddenly

Ohhhh noooo. I just realized that applications for the Victoria University Halls of Residence open on August 1st, which is on SUNDAY. WHAT am I going to DO? I don't have level three yet and so the highest form of education I can put on there in Level 2 and that was my crappiest year.
Sooo once again I am perving around the website of VUW, trying to see if I missed out on any info the first ten thousand million times.

Alrighty. Anything else? Well, it's Friday. That's always fun. This morning I woke up so incredibly warm and cosy and almost couldn't get out of bed. I hope to recapture that tomorrow. I'm looking forward to a nice long sleep in and maybe a bit of reading. Currently I'm reading The Road, by Cormac McCarthy. It's weeeird. There's an apocalypse, but at this point (130 pages in) I still don't know the characters' names, how the apocalypse happened or what they did to avoid it. Frustrating, indeed.

Wore my dress thing again today. Should have known better than to wear a short skirt with a shoulder bag, cause when I walked the bag hitched the skirt up a little at a time and it made me very paranoid. Not fun.

Know what else isn't fun? My mum telling Tori that looking at me is scary enough to cure hiccups. FML, and thanks, Mum. I love you too.

Things That Have Happened Lately

This'll be another short one. Just a list. I can't write incredibly interesting shit on my blog so I'm probably going to keep it short from now on, unless there's a huge emergency that demands longness.

- My card declined at the cafe, which was a hilarious event for everyone.

- The movie that I bought on iTunes (Zombieland) fucked up and so I am watching it now, on Megavideo, for free.

- I figured out that getting into University might not be as hard as I thought it would be. A huge weight has been lifted.

- I have half decided for myself, half been pressured into going to the senior ball this year. When I told my Mum she said that she is going to take me shopping and she is going to pay for everything. I'm just a little bit worried about her taste vs. mine.

- It was sunny today, and then it was not. The weather should make up its mind. I was enjoying the sun and then all of a sudden it was hailing and windy.

- I'm running out of things to say. See y'all tomorrow (it's Friiiidaaay!).

Ma Jour Ennuyeux

- signed up to donate blood next Tuesday at 11AM. I did this last year and it was cool, apart from when they had to test my hemoglobin count, which hurt more than the actual needle.

- discovered new song: Tighten Up, by The Black Keys. Go listen.

- went to drama and got lots of praise, so woo me.

And that's all. Apparently my long posts are boring, so I'm leaving it here for today :)

(No comments on yesterday's post? I'm disappointed.)

I Also Write Like...

Please be aware: this entry consists of a lot of showing off and many excerpts from things I've written over the last year or so. You were warned.

I'm sorry, but I can't help getting a little big headed about this. I went back, and it said I write like Charles Dickens. I've never read anything by him, but from what I hear he's pretty good. This is the passage:

"I did not know I could hate so fiercely. How dare the birds sing! Everything is in shades of grey, the sky, the grass, my dead sister’s pretty dress.
I let my tears fall, for this, I am the emotional kind. I water the grass, keeping my eyes on the ground. I try to drown out the words that are sending my sister into the earth. I want to run up to her coffin and climb in beside her. I do not care what they would think. Perhaps my parents would let me go; there is nothing they love in me.
What will they do with her piano? Will they keep it as a memory of their beloved Anabelle? Or will they choose to rid of it now she is gone, now the thought of her causes them so much pain."

Oh no. Stephen King again. It must be wrong. He's awesome. I'm not.

Ah, Charles Dickens again!

"The door burst in, crippling under the pressure of the men beating at it from the outside. Heavy footsteps pounded down the hall as Alina, Ilya and Nicolai escaped out of the back door. Outside, the snow was still falling. The houses stood silently with black windows and white-coated rooves; every so often there was a plop as the snow dropped off into the sea of white waiting below. The dirt road was muddy and covered in puddles, and dimly lit by the light coming from Alina's house. The night was still. They stood near the fence, back to the wall, guns poised in their hands, scared out of their minds."

I seriously want to know how accurate this is, because though I've had some critique I've never had someone tell me that I'm terrible. I want your HONEST opinion about these excerpts and the pieces from yesterday. If you want the whole thing I'll give you a link. Most of them are quite short.

Oooh, Kurt Vonnegut. I hear he's good:

"Alina laid still, her life bleeding into the snow. Ilya stood with his arms hanging uselessly at his sides. Nicolai knelt softly onto the ground next to her, and took her hand. He didn't say anything. He didn't need to. The sky, black above them, glittered with stars. The snow continued to fall. The last thing Alina heard was the soft rush as the flakes hit the ground, and the last thing she saw was Nicolai's face, pale and streaked with tears in the moonlight."

Ha. I just ruined THAT story for you.

Oho, Neil Gaiman! Now, I know he's good, so this must be false, because this is something I wrote in December 09. Everything I wrote back then was a little lackluster.

"My hand paused on the dish I'd been about to lift, while hers fiddled, unworried, with a newly sharpened red pencil. She put the pencil to paper and drew a tree trunk, with thick branches sticking awkwardly from the sides and twigs further extending the crimson limbs. She then picked up the light blue and, with her forehead almost touching the paper, drew individual leaves, one by one."

That's enough. I've exhausted my supply of literature and no doubt you lot are bored, that's if you haven't stopped reading already.

Remember. I want critique. I think I've fixed the comment thing.

xx

About A Car

Helloooo.
I am on here to talk about a car. My Uncle Walt just arrived in this:


Now, I'm no car person, but this (1971 Vauxhall Viva) is awesome. What's more is that it only cost him $500, and it's only a few months away from become a Classic car.
I'm not sure what this car says about me. Someone tell me if it's weird to like it.

Also Blogger isn't showing the links for comments on my last post, and this one too. I don't know why, and it's really annoying me >:(

Anyway. I'd better go.
I have to go and find a worthy substitute for peanut butter, and something tells me that my search will be useless.

xx

I Write Like...

If you want to find out who you write like, here is a link.

Here are my people:

Stephen King: okay. That's awesome.

"His watch says that thirteen minutes have passed since he stepped out of the taxi, and he is still walking alone down Lucy's road. The dark has intensified, it seems, since he started out, and so, he realizes, has the pain in his head. All of a sudden there are drums beating, and his arm is hurting. There are fireworks crackling inside his eyes, whistling like kettles at the boil, screaming into the sky to explode magnificently in a dazzling burst of short lived fire. There are sirens; shrill screams in the night air. His head hurts, and his arm hurts, and suddenly he is lying on the pavement, and it is so, so cold through the thinness of his hospital gown."

Chuck Palahnuik: (he wrote Fight Club).

" I think I'm getting better, Lucy. I feel so young, so healthy. How do I look?
His hair is almost all gone and his skin is red and sore but she says he looks wonderful.
Good enough to get a pretty girl to go out with me?
Of course.
How about it, then? I know a fantastic place downtown. See if you can get the night off and we'll go and have some fun. What do you say?
I can't do that, Mr. Simpson, I-
It's David, godammit! He shouts, and swings his legs over to the side. He pulls the covers to the side, and his gown slips up to show a sickly length of thigh.
I'm better now, Lucy, I promise. You can leave your husband and we can go out to dinner. That would be nice, wouldn't it?
Lucy calls out for help."

Also J.D. Salinger (yeugh), Margaret Atwood (unlikely) and (using a piece of my last blog post) Stephen King again.

It's probably inaccurate, but awesome all the same :D

Sadurday 24th

Feeling better today. Not by much, but better. Woke up at 9, finished Watership Down (80 or so pages), had breakfast. The rest of the day passed in pure, mindless mindlessness. I don't remember much. Just shows that I didn't do anything.
Oh, I did finish all my homework though. Feels good not to have to worry about it.

I still feel like crap, actually. I'm tired, and the very first thing that Mum said to me this morning, besides hello, was "holy crap, you look terrible". She's always telling me I'm too pale and how black it is under my eyes. So fucking what? Is that somehow her problem? Like she doesn't go on at me for enough already.

I'm watching Misfits again. Episode five, season one. It's really, really funny. There's this Welsh guy in it and he say the funniest shit. It's sort of like Skins meets Heroes, because it's a British teen drama, only there are superpowers involved. At least they don't all crap on about saving the world and destiny and stuff, because that did get a bit old in Heroes.

I'd better go. I don't have anything else to say.
I wish you lot would blog more. It's getting a bit lonely here. Dust bunnies and all that.

x

The Real Post

I was so angry earlier, and I was all set to get on Blogger and rant and rave about life and how much it sucks, and then I calmed down and I couldn't begin typing, so I closed the tab, left, and went to watch The Matrix.
And now... I'm angry again.

When I first got angry it was because of something which totally ruined my day. It was ANOTHER FUCKING comment that FUCKED me off SO fucking much. Mum called me in to dry the dishes (our dishwasher is broken) and while I was doing that, totally silent, I worked myself into a seething internal rage. After each fork or spoon I dried I slammed it as aggresively as I could into the drawer without getting in trouble. Mum had no idea that anything was wrong as she was immersed in making dinner. When I was done I went to my room, sat on the floor and quitely cried for ten or so minutes. I promised myself that I wouldn't open my eyes until I felt ready to smile and be merry and try not to slam things shut, and the thought that made me finally open them, scarily, was 'everyone in this house is going to die someday'. I didn't think this in the sense that I was going to go on a murderous rampage and kill everyone, but in the way that one day they wont be here to make me feel like such complete and utter crap almost every day.

After this I quietened down, ate dinner, watched Glee. And then I came back out into the office (where our two computer are) to check my mail. Tori's things from 2 hours earlier (Facebook, deviantART, Limewire) were open and so I closed them, knowing fully well that she'd be back out to shout at me. Sure enough she appeared less than five minutes later, demanding that I get off. She unplugged the modem and refused to leave, so I gave up the computer. We had a little argument about the fact that I'd closed her stuff, and when she finally got off ten minutes later she closed my things.
The difference here is that all of Tori's things were easily re-obtainable. Facebook isn't going to disappear because I closed a window. I, however, was loading an episode of Misfits which at that point was pretty well done.

So fuck that. My family sucks and I hate everything. I don't care if what I did earlier was immature or whatever, I still feel like a fucking third wheel. Thank God I still have... my, my, um... never mind. My nothing. At. Fucking. All.

No. I'm not OK.

I Hate Everyone

Some stupid chick in the checkout line
Was paying for beer with nickels and dimes
And some old man who clipped coupons
Had argued whenever they wouldn't take one
All I wanted to was buy some cigarettes
But I couldn't take it anymore so I left

I hate everyone
I hate everyone
I hate everyone
I hate everyone

All the people on the street, I hate you all
And the people that I meet, I hate you all
And the people that I know, I hate you all
And the people that I don't, I hate you all
Oh, I hate you all

Some fucking asshole just cut me off
And gave me the finger when I fucking honked
Then he proceeded to put on the brakes
He slammed on the brakes, but I made a mistake
When I climbed out of my van he was waiting
But he was six three and two hundred pounds of Satan

I hate everyone
I hate everyone
I hate everyone
I hate everyone

- Get Set Go I Hate Everyone

The Poem In Full ("The Two", or "The Witnesses", by W.H. Auden).

You are the town and we are the clock.
We are the guardians of the gate in the rock.
The Two.
On your left and on your right
In the day and in the night,
We are watching you.

Wiser not to ask just what has occurred
To them who disobeyed our word;
To those
We were the whirlpool, we were the reef,
We were the formal nightmare, grief
And the unlucky rose.

Climb up the crane , learn the sailor's words
When the ships from the islands laden with birds
Come in.
Tell your stories of fishing and other men's wives:
The expansive moments of constricted lives
In the lighted inn.

But do not imagine we do not know
Nor that what you hide with such care won't show
At a glance.
Nothing is done, nothing is said,
But don't make the mistake of believing us dead:
I shouldn't dance.

We're afraid in that case you'll have a fall.
We've been watching you over the garden wall
For hours.
The sky is darkening like a stain,
Something is going to fall like rain
And it won't be flowers.

When the green field comes off like a lid
Revealing what was much better hid:
Unpleasant.
And look, behind you without a sound
The woods have come up and are standing round
In deadly crescent.

The bolt is sliding in its groove,
Outside the window is the black remov-
ers' van.
And now with sudden swift emergence
Come the woman in dark glasses and humpbacked surgeons
And the scissors man.

This might happen any day
So be careful what you say
Or do.
Be clean, be tidy, oil the lock,
Trim the garden, wind the clock,
Remember the Two.

Sailing On

“When the green field comes off like a lid
Revealing what was much better hid,
Unpleasant;
And look! Behind, without a sound
The woods have come up and are standing round
In deadly crescent.
And the bolt is sliding in its groove,
Outside the window is the black remover’s van,
And now with sudden, swift emergence
Come the women in dark glasses, the hump-backed surgeons
And the scissor-man.”

- W.H. Auden The Witnesses

I saw this in Watership Down, at the beginning of a chapter. It caught my eye, and I thought I'd post it. I'm also going to post the link to my Tumblr page. It's a really cool website. You guys should join.

Deleted my last two blog posts. Just meaningless clutter (which is hard among the 155 posts I have up at the moment).

Anyway. I'm in deep shit at the moment. Today I had all this work piled on me. In History I was told we have to write an essay, and as I was catching up on notes from before I didn't have time to do the extra page which I now also have to do tonight... And in English I found out that the optional essay for over the holidays is now compulsory, and it, like everything else, is due tomorrow. Either I do half now and half in study tomorrow, or half in study and make up excuses for the other. Somehow I think the latter option is the predominant one.

Crap, got to go. A messy kitchen awaits.

Everything is FUBAR

Ohh stupid stupid life. I'm sick! I have a stupid cold, and I actually want to go to school tomorrow. If I feel better I will but right now I feel like crap. I've been sneezing and coughing non stop for the last two days. I finished an entire book in that time (The Long Walk by Richard Bachman (Stephen King) and today I started and am 100 pages into The Running Man, also by Bachman.
Today I got out of bed at 2PM (no shit) because I was reading for hours, only to be met by Mum (not even a hello) who told me to do my homework, clean my room, do the washing and clean the kitchen. I did all of this (apart from one half of my History homework) and spent the rest of the day in bed, feeling sorry for myself.

I just really badly want to get out of the house, even if that means going to school. At least I get to see my friends. Over the past two weeks I've been having these nagging feelings that no one in this house wants me here. They just want to ship me off to Uni ASAP. I have to admit though, I'm having second thoughts about it. What if I fail and get kicked out? Then what will I do? Work at the Warehouse for the rest of my life and never travel anywhere? Fuck that.
If I don't get into Vic I'll work full-time for a year and then apply somewhere else, even if that is only a Tourism school or something

Anyway. I'm just waiting for Mum to finish cooking dinner so I can go in and make myself something. She's doing meatloaf. Eugh. I really do not feel like mince or any kind of red meat tonight, so I'm gonna make me some fish pieces and eat them in my room and watch The Simpsons and all new Family Guy.
Fuck school :(
I have to go though. There's so much stuff to do this term... D:

Time to post this and go now, I think. Only 20 mins on here and already I'm headachey.

:) xxxx.

Things I Did Yesterday

Yesterday was fun.
Arrived in Palmerston North at around 9.40AM. Walked to Keryn's optometrist and then to the supermarket with Nadia. Had some pizza bread and met Chrissy and Steven @ downtown. By that time it was 11AM. I'm terrible at remembering events in order, but we went to V-v-v-valentines for lunch. For $26 I got an assless bottom- sorry, a bottomless coke glass (it flashes), and as much as I could eat from the buffet. Of course, I only managed four pieces of fish, some chips, a bit of bread and some dessert. I get full kinda easily sometimes. It's weird.
Next we went bowling. For the first two bowls I scored 8 and then crashed and burned, coming second to last. Thinking my competitive spirit was much too bruised already I opted out on the next game, which Jess won.
I think that by the time we left it was close to 3PM. Isaac, Keryn, Jess & Nadia went to the Rock Shop and Chrissy, Steven & I walked to Kiwibank, where I withdrew some more cash. We all met up again at the Plaza after I dragged the lovebirds to Farmers, where we sat on some furniture.
C & S left after having some Wendys and the rest of us sat in area outside K-Mart eating McD's.
At 5.40PM we hopped on the bus to Feilding, where I was picked up to go home.

I know. It's dead interesting.

At home before dinner Mum and I had a very intense, loud fight and I ate dinner in my room. It was over something completely trivial and because of it I have to do all the dishes for a week. Of all the jobs we have to do, it's the worst.
I finished watching Heroes season 2 and now want season 3, which is $80 at least. I must find out what happens! For now I have to settle for Friends season 5, which Tori bought a week or so ago.

School in 3 days. Oh, the horror. I have two essays still to write.

I don't think there's anything else.
Adieu :) x

Everything's Not Lost

So, do you like the new layout? I'm not sure. I kinda think there's too much colour, but I was getting tired of the ongoing black/white/grey thing.

I FINALLY went to see Toy Story 3 today. I didn't cry, but it was pretty damn sad at times. Overall I think the movie was amazing, and quite funny (I would have laughed more had I not needed to pee soooo badly for the last half hour).

Oh, I changed my blog title too. The new one is the title of a Coldplay song. I'm thinking of getting it or something like it as a tattoo- just one of many options. It's a very powerful statement, sorta like saying that no matter what there's always something to keep you going. Unless of course there isn't, in which case you are a very poor, empty, lonesome soul.

Another note: I have JELLY.
It's actually kinda gross. The flavour's nice, but while it was refrigerating some of it kinda solidified into this icky chewy stuff. I can spot it if I look hard enough but that means I have to study each spoonful before I eat it. It's ruining the whole experience for me.

Well, I've got nothing else to say.
Adieu :) xx

One Week of Holidays Left :(

I am going to give you an example of how bored I am.

Today I cleaned my room. By this, I don't mean a half-arsed attempt of throwing things into the laundry basket and putting shit in piles, I mean I dusted surfaces, vacuumed, tidied my wardrobe, put things away, put on my electric blanket and made my bed and did things I'd been meaning to do for a while, such as blu-tacking up some things and cleaning all the flies off the high windowsill.

Aaaand because I'm bored, I'm going to compare my current Top 25 songs to what it was the last time I posted it. It's going to take some searching to find the post, so that's good. I can fend off my boredom for a little while longer.

15 minutes later: I found it! Well, I mean, I sort of found it. I'd only posted a top 10. Here it is as it was written on the original post (it's from February or March or something):

1. The Middle: Jimmy Eat World
2. Closer: Joshua Radin
3. New Shoes: Paolo Nutini
4. Drumming Song: Florence And The Machine
5. Hallelujah: Jeff Buckley
6. She's A Genius: Jet
7. Wake Me Up Before You Go Go: Wham! (this is one of my guilty pleasures. Srsly, it's so happy!)
8. Open Happiness: Brendon Urie, Patrick Stump, Travis McCoy, Cee-Lo Green, Butch Walker (this one is my sister's fault. Sometimes she doesn't change from my iTunes to hers).
9. Dog Days: Florence And The Machine
10. Beautiful Mess: Jason Mraz

And now here is the top ten of, well... now (+playcount):

1. Drumming Song: Florence + the Machine (38)
2. Fools in Love: Inara George (36)
3. Closer: Joshua Radin (34)
4. Hallelujah: Jeff Buckley (33)
5. Homebird: Foy Vance (31)
6. She's A Genius: Jet (29)
7. New Shoes: Paolo Nutini (29)
8. Blow Away: A Fine Frenzy (28)
9. Dog Days Are Over: Florence + the Machine (28)
10. The Middle: Jimmy Eat World (28)

And just cause, here's the next 10:

11. Speechless: Lady Gaga (28)
12. We Are Broken: Paramore (27)
13. Could Be Anything: The Eames Era (26)
14. The Remedy: Jason Mraz (26)
15. My Boy Builds Coffins: Florence + the Machine (25)
16. Waiting On The World To Change: John Meyer (25)
17. The Only Exception: Paramore (25)
18. Last Goodbye: Jeff Buckley (24)
19. No One's Gonna Love You: Band Of Horses (21)
20. A Beautiful Mess: Jason Mraz (21)

Total plays of top 20: 562.

Multiple songs by one artist:
Florence + the Machine- 3 songs
Jason Mraz- 2 songs
Paramore- 2 songs
Jeff Buckley- 2 songs

There. Boredom averted for a whopping total of 30 minutes.

The base of my neck is actually kinda sore from sitting here so long, so I'd better go.
Au revoir :) xx

Saturday 10th July

So we didn't end up going to Toy Story 3 after all. I got up half an hour before we were to leave, got ready, went out into the office where Mum works and she said "I don't think we'll be going anymore". So pfff. We went and got lunch at Subway instead. I'm still full from that.

I made scones today. Butter, flour, baking powder, salt, milk- easy peasy.
They taste really good, but we've run out of jam and now I've got these huge, delicious scones sitting cooling on the bench and no jam to smother on them. Oh, the world is cruel!

Our internet still slows down to dial-up at 4-5PM. It's so weird :<

Oh, who watched Glee last night? Wasn't Neil Patrick Harris and Matthew Morrison's performance of Dream On AWESOME? I didn't know N.P.H. could sing so well. I downloaded it- *ahem* obtained it legally, and I can't stop listening to it :D

That's all for today, I suppose. It was pretty boring.
Au revoir :)

Post Number 150

Yaaaay.

My left eye is randomly sore.

My sister made some cupcakes. Chocolate and chai latte flavoured with a chai + cream cheese icing. The cupcake was good but the icing was gross, so that kinda ruined the whole experience for me.

Our internet connection is still going slow, but only after 4. At 4PM every day for the last week or so the connection slows down to dial-up speed and then goes fast again the next day. It really pisses me off because basically I now can't go on the internet without having a toretts attack after 4PM. On top of that, Youtube and Facebook games now will not work on our (mine and my sisters') PC because when Mum was going through and deleting stuff to make space she possibly did something to our Flash Player and some sort of plug-in.

Oh, and three of 13 people now read my blog. If you didn't comment on the last post please do so on this one. I dunno. I just like to know who is on here regularly, cause I know that some of you barely ever log in/post stuff. But yaaay Rachel, Jess and Josie!

Damn. Post number one-five-oh. Should I do something special? Like, I dunno, give out cake? Naaaahhh. It's not special, so you get nothing. Except maybe a virtual hug. And I say maybe, because it's only if I like you enough :D

A Boring Update :)

Finally did something today. I usually spend the holidays mooching around the house being useless, but today I decided to get off my ass and go into Feilding with Mum to help with shopping. Also bought two movies (Funny People and The Boat That Rocked) which I plan to watch tonight.

Our internet is being a little bitch right now. During the day it's generally fine, but at night the connection slows right down.
Also, Mum went through all the stuff on our PC and deleted a heap of shit, but I think she deleted our Flash Player or something because now Restaurant City and Frontierville (and all the other crap games I play) wont work, and until Tori fixed it nor would any Youtube videos. It's really pissing me off. I don't think we capped our internet usage and nor does mum, so I rang Inspire and they want us to do an isolation test. I'm going to leave that to Mum, because knowing me I'll fuck it up :D

So yeah, today was good. I'm looking forward to going into Palmy (only now I have no money to spend).

And I'm now obsessed with a totally different song to the one which I posted the lyrics to yesterday. I go through phases in music, and that's why I can't decide on a tattoo, because I know now that as well as a bird design I also want a lyric or quote design. I'm currently stuck on Everything's Not Lost, which is a song by Coldplay that I used to listen to a lot. The new song is Into The Fire by Thirteen Sense (an obscure band from Cornwall), the title of which I used for a post a few days back...

I'm going to ask again (and I know I do this kinda often): who still reads my blog?

I guess that's all for now. I didn't mean to stay on here so long.
Night everyone :)

fly me high on an angel's wing

The orange was the size of a watermelon to me
well at least that is my memory
sunshine made my bare feet burn upon the road
far away we'd roam

I'd be howlin' song in the back seat
the boys would laugh and tease about my black feet
they'd tell stories that would warm my soul
Motorbikes and chrome
Jimmy could not wait to get home

Homebird sing
fly me high on an angel's wing
Homebird sing
leave out nothing tell me everything

Everywhere we went just looked the same to me
the skies were blue and the grass was green
I wonder how different I might see them now
yet I see them somehow

Through the fallen memories when that angel baby sings
Oh the little magic that a solo brings
making up songs and words and singin' from the soul
oh the stories told
none but him and Jimmy could know

Homebird sing
fly me high on an angel's wing
Homebird sing
leave out nothing tell me everything

-Homebird: Foy Vance.

I'm bored.
I really need something productive/fun to do. I've actually got a lot of homework (it's not fun but it is productive),. Oh. But it is 11.22PM. I should go.

That song up there is another Grey's Anatomy tune. Played it 30 times to far. No one I know really likes the music that I like. I mean, I do have a lot of popular bands on my iTunes, like Greenday and Fall Out Boy and PATD and Muse and stuff, but the songs that I really like are usually quite obscure.
I actually prefer it that way. I'd be so annoyed if someone got hold of Inara George or Thirteen Senses and made them mainstream, like what they did to Owl City. I even preferred it when C4 never played Florence and the Machine tracks except on Insomnia.
Oh never mind, you don't care.

What did I do today? Oh yeah, I slept in till 12.20PM. It was really annoying. I didn't mean to sleep that late. I just woke up and checked my phone and even though the sunlight made no sense (because at that time of the day sunlight bursts through the little window on the wall beside my bed) there was the time.
I had porridge.
I checked my stupid mail, meaning there was none.
I watched 8 episodes of the first season of Desperate Housewives, then watched the latest episode on tonight.
I watched the FINAL EVER episode (with this cast) of Skins (poor, poor Freddie).
And now I'm here.

So yay.

Also I can't see.

Being blind is really pissing me off. Why can't I have perfect vision like so many other people? Do you guys know how annoying it is to have to put contact lenses in every morning? Sure I could wear glasses, but they're yeugh.
And lately they've been doing this thing where every time I blink the one in my right eye moves upwards and then slowly slips back down again, so even when I am wearing them I still CAN'T SEE. Fuck.

AND Ellie and her friend used all the hot water, and I REALLY wanted a shower. AND it's cold. AND I'm hungry, but there's nothing to eat and even if there was it is kinda almost midnight.

And I'm sick of looking in the mirror some days and shuddering because I hate what I see, and it makes me worry that other people see it too. I just don't get it. I really don't get why some people like me. It really just blows my mind.
Why does whatshisname (I know his name, but I'm not telling) stare at me every time I go into Study? What, exactly, is wrong with him?

I know I usually start off with a light topic and then quickly and surely spin into emotional distress, but my blog is one of the only places where I can't vent and rant about my problems which, I know, are insignificant and silly and probably universal, but I'm gonna do it anyway.

Also I see that I have a new follower. Hi Jordan. You don't have to listen to me.

Whatever. I'm going. I have to go and find some food and get fatter and watch more Desperate Housewives and stay up until 2AM again.

Night :)

"Goodnight,You Princes of Maine,

You Kings of New England."

My sister is playing Pachelbel on iTunes. He's some composer guy. Man, she's weird. I mean, I don't have anything against classical music, but... she's weird.

I watched two movies today:
Bridget Jone's Diary- The Edge of Reason: I'd forgotten, before watching this, how much Renee Zellwegger annoys me.
The Cider House Rules: Very, very good. Close enough to the storyline of the book (although I thought it was too light. The book is quite a bit heavier).

So it was a boring day. Just movies and computer. Internet is still annoyingly slow. Still bored. I wanted to go to the movies to see Toy Story 3 but it seems like everyone is opposed to that idea, so whatever. I suppose we'll go bowling.
I mean, what's wrong with going to see a movie every now and then? We could see a movie AND go bowling, right? Maybe it is anti-social. I don't care.

It's obvious I don't have anything interesting to say. I feel like a boring person right now. Like a boring person with too many insignificant, self absorbed problems who wants the world to revolve around her, who wants things to solve themselves, and who needs a hug almost all the time now. Fuck being alone. Seriously. Fuck that.
And fuck other people, too. Fuck everyone.

I don't mean, like, FUCK everyone. Ew. No.
You know what I mean.

I think I need some more ice cream.

Put Your Hands Into The Fire

Sometimes I wish people just wouldn't say anything, ever. Parents are right about some things. "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all."
Today at dinner, my Mum said, "you were an ugly baby." So thanks, Mum, because that's something that every kid wants to hear.

So, what did I do today? I got up at exactly 11.22AM, and went on the computer to check my mail. Our internet is still ridiculously slow, and if it's because we've capped our internet use (on only the third of the month!) I'm going to stab someone. I watched American Pie II. Hahahaha. Then I spent 15 minutes on the exercycle and had a shower. Watched American Pie, The Wedding. Ate dinner (Mediterranean style, slow cooked chicken). Ate dessert (French Vanilla Icecream), and now here I am. Yaaaaay.
My life is so goddamn exciting.

FML.

Really, really FML.

I made a deal with Mum today. She said that if I pass all my Geo exams at the end of the year, I can go to England. Why did I agree? Stupidstupid. Of course, she was kinda drunk and sleepy from her wine, so it's a possibility that she'll forget, but then I thought that I could use the motivation. I will spend (and this is quoting Mrs Jeffries) "120 hours in Geography class this year, so why not make something of it?" She said I have a chance at getting Excellence.

How the hell does she know that? How does she deduce that, from all the N grades I've recieved? Ugh.




I just don't know what to say about things right now. Why do these things happen to me? Why is everything is my life so complicated and yet so not? I make things complicated.
I talk myself out of things that I should have done, and now everything is all FML because of the decisions that I made. I need a hug right now, so bad.

And I need more ice cream.

Ice cream and a hug.


Dulces sueños, mis queridos xxoxx




(-- Title: Into The Fire by Thirteen Senses).

Hola Mis Amigos!

I dunno if you guys saw this, but Emma Maddox posted it on Facebook. Made me laugh: "In the western world, love equates to possession. "You belong to me.", "Be mine". What do communists say when they're in love? "I don't know what personal possessions are, nor do I have any, but if I did you'd be one"? "The state distributes you evenly... to my heart!"?"

So today was actually an alright day. We watched a movie in English, I played cards in Classics, I read during study, we had a shared lunch in History and we played a General Knowledge Quiz in Geography (which claimed that the Sahara is the largest desert when I know that it is in fact Antarctica!).

Looking forward to the holidays. Hopefully I can lots of sleep and earn some money, and maybe organize a trip into Palmerston North to see a movie or something. We could go to Toy Story 3. That would be awesome.

I have to write an acknowledgment to Rachel for going to the school cafeteria today. She bought a diet coke (which she hasn't had for 8 YEARS!) and a roll, and I'm very proud of her. As the initiator of this, I'm glad you went through with it Rach :) Now all we gotta do is keep you from being bored while your mum's away, right? :D

Ohh, I am going to be so swamped with homework these holidays. I have two huge sheets to do for Geo, an essay to write for History, some questions to answer for English and a whole bunch of stuff to finish for Classical Studies.
I also really want to count up the credits I have so far. I might as well do it here.

20 initially from passing last year.

History:
- 4 (M)
- 5 (A)

Tourism: (assuming I pass the thing we haven't had back yet).
- 3 (A)
- 3 (A)
- 8 (A)
-- This subject sucks penis cause everything is a Unit Standard :(

English:
- 4 (A) (Will resit for M or E)

Classics:
- 6 (A)
- 6 (A)
-- Will resit both of these in Nov for M or E.

So total:

20 + 4 + 5 + 3 + 3 + 8 + 4 + 6 + 6= 59!
59 already! Next term there's heaps of stuff to do for credits and in term 4 we have externals, so I can get heaps more yet! I'm pretty happy with that 59. There should be more Ms and Es there, but I can resit at least 16 of those to try for it.

Yaaaay.

I have nothing else to say, actually. I feel sure that there was something, but I guess it just wasn't important :)

Adiós, queridos míos.