christmas yay!

merry christmas everyone! i have to say i got a pretty good haul this year!!

• 160 gb ipod
• TARDIS mug
• $20 itunes voucher
• $30 poppies voucher
• 6 month subscription to empire magazine
• $40 from nana
• scarf
• socks
• artist's pad
• 2012 diary

CDS

• age of adz by sufjan stevens
• all delighted people ep by sufjan stevens
• into the wild soundtrack by eddie vedder

DVDs

• how i met your mother season 2
• sherlock season 1

Books

• 11:22:63 by stephen king
• desperation by stephen king
• the cat's table by michael ondaatje

:D hope all your christmasses were also fruitful!!

yay!

i have news!!!!

my friend isaac (i'm sure most of you know him) ask me to flat with him and nadia next year. i say flat but i really mean... house. it's this place in fielding, pretty close to town. it's a gross colour on the outside, but apparently roomy (we haven't actually gone to see it yet) and cheap for three people. so i'll probably be moving there mid january, which will be my third move in less than a year :O

hello!

• got a 'job'. i'll be getting $60 a week minimum for mowing lawns and maybe more if other stuff comes up
• i can stay here and i don't have to pay board and mum will buy my food so long as i help out around the house
• other than that not a lot has been going on. uhh we put up the christmas tree yesterday! no decorations yet though
• we have a huge new table in the courtyard and we moved a lot of stuff so now there's tonnes of space and we're going to turn it into a kind of outdoor lounge
• today I downloaded the original age of empires game. it's so weird! i've forgotten how to do a lot of stuff cause it's been 3-4 years since I last played
• I learned how to make bread today and I also made a chocolate cake, which everyone loved
• also mowed three lawns in 25 degree heat! not fun
• on wednesday night I went to a pub quiz and got to ask a round of questions. then we (me, jess, keryn, james and isaac) went back to james' house and had a doctor who marathon
• that's it I think
• yay
  

aim for imperfection

The other day I read a quote by some author, I think it was Lionel Shriver, who said that perfect characters are boring because they're not real. Real people have problems and baggage. Authors shouldn't worry about creating a main character who is likeable, because perfect characters don't leave room for growth and improvement.

A good example, I think, is Nathaniel from the Amulet of Samarkand trilogy. I know it's a series for young adults, but Nathaniel wasn't perfect, and he improved. The same goes for Artemis Fowl, Katniss Everdeen, Harry Potter, Ellie Linton... at times you hate them, but it doesn't matter how unlikeable they can be because you realise that they could be real people.

So that's what I'm aiming for with Ava Thorne, the main character of my Nano novel. Although I haven't written anything in four days because I'm stuck :(

Something That Isn't NaNoWriMo.

I think it's time for a personal post :-)

I've been at home for about a month now. My room is back to the way I like it, my mum's cooking is better than I remember, and our dogs, which I missed, seem to be happy to have me back. Yesterday my dad drove down from Auckland to see me and my sisters. I haven't seen him since last December, before I left for England. Last night we went to the Rat Hole for dinner and today we're going to lunch and a movie (and dinner again). I may be going to Taupo on Monday to visit my grandma (Dad's mum). I haven't found a job but I do stuff at home to keep Mum from yelling at me, like cleaning the house and mowing lawns. I'll be getting my license soon too. Other than all that there's not a lot going on! :)

come as you are

“I get cross, then sad, and finally end up turning my heart inside out, and keep trying to find a way to become what I’d like to be and what I could be if….if only there were no other people in the world.”

—	Anne Frank

I've been at home for about three weeks now, and I have to say I haven't accomplished much. I've been to some group gatherings and just recently saw my best friend for the first time since last December. I've mowed some lawns, cleaned the house a couple times, listened to a lot of music, watched some movies... not a lot. I haven't lost any weight, found a job or a flat, or improved my eating or sleeping habits. My mum is starting to get really fed up. Every day she's on my case, but I just don't feel motivated. If I were able to do whatever I wanted, I'd find a cozy job in a little bookstore, live in an apartment with all my books and my cats and maybe a dog, and ignore the rest of humanity (apart from a select few) for the rest of my life. I don't know what happened, but at some point I decided that I don't much care for the whole idea of how life is "supposed" to be. What's the point of everything? What does it mean? Yeah, I know. Whatever.

I can't do much until I have a driver's license anyway, and that's going to take a while.

I just want a fun summer unhindered by responsibility. I miss the high school years so much during times like these. I wish I could go back two years, to the end of year 12. Go on camp again. Change some things. Work harder. Do something other than wasting time at university. Take a gap year after school finishes, and then think about uni. I feel like I've ruined my life already, even though I'm still in my teens, and people keep telling me there's nothing wrong with being temporarily misdirected. I don't know.

I have no idea what to do now.

Guess what?

I'm home! I mean REALLY home. All my stuff is currently sitting in the car. I've offically moved back to Sanson. It took Mum and I 2 and a half hours to clear out and clean my room, plus four driving to and from Wellington. It's been a long day :)

Where do we go, nobody knows. I've gotta say I'm on my way down.

Things are looking quite a bit better right now. My mum is visiting me tomorrow. We're going to get lunch and go to Wellington Zoo (!!!!) and then we're driving home to Sanson. On Tuesday I'm going to a movie with a friend, then on Wednesday I'm going to Keryn & Jess' houses then to Palmerston North for a pub quiz, and on Thursday we're all going to see The Lion King in 3D. Also, my sleeping is better (last night I slept from 10-8 this morning). AND I heard that if I get a late withdrawal, Studylink will take back my uni fees! I'm not too sure about whether that's true but it would be infinitely awesome if I didn't have a ten grand plus loan hanging over my head. The title of this post by the way is from a Coldplay song (of course!!). I think that line is about going to hell or something idk.

your guess is as good as mine.

The councellor I went to see was really nice. She was quite old, had really long blond hair and was wearing big sunglasses over her normal glasses. The session I went to wasn't a real councelling session, it was more of a 20 minute question session. She just asked me about a heap of stuff- my diet, my schoolwork, whether or not I was suicidal- and I guess she was pretty concerned because she said that if I decided to withdraw from uni she would back me up. Late withdrawals are what people do if they have circumstances that prevent them from passing their courses. So I'll probably do that instead of getting a bunch of Fs. She said I should get a full physical at my doctor's, plus go to someone about getting some vitamins, because I look exhausted. Everything in my life- my diet, my weight, my motivation- really spiralled out of control this year. My mum might be coming down to Welly to visit me and after that I'll be seeing Chrissy when she visits and then going home, and leaving Joan Stevens Hall forever (thank god!).

Anyway, right now I'm sitting in bed watching Green Street Hooligans and eating cashew nuts. I've been up since 2am and I'm pretty tired but I'm determined to stay up until 8 tonight so that's another 9 hours. I should be able to do it. I'm also listening to Coldplay which is where the title of this post comes from.

And thank you Rachel and Rachel for the comments on my last post and to others who comment on my posts; you guys are awesome :)
re. the last post, @Rachel G- I suppose that yes, I do plan on staying on Wellington. Despite everything I've really become attatched to the city, plus some of my friends will be here next year. Rachel T- thanks, but I think I'll pass :D

xx

yep.

points of interest (?):

• probably not going back to uni next year
• went to see a councellor about this
• made an appointment for a careers advisor in 2 weeks
  
• it's raining like mad right now and I had to catch a damn taxi home from uni
  
• i
• don't
• know
• what
• i'm
• doing
• with
• my
• life
• !!!
  

Living in an empty world.

Writing a blog post because I have nothing else to do. Facebook and Tumblr are dead. I've tried everything; installed updates, troubleshooted, restarted, reconnected and disconnected... so, erm, here's a post! yay?! I've had a strange day. I slept from 9 this morning to 9 tonight, and I woke up thinking it was Sunday. It was strange. I wasn't even particularly tired, I'd just decided to stay in bed all day, because I couldn't think of anything better to do. I didn't eat for twenty four hours and felt completely fine. At 10 I went to the supermarket and got some bread and cold meat, which was really nice. I don't really like walking around by myself at night, especially when there are people everywhere; boys on skateboards, people out drinking... it was scary, but it worth getting home and having a sandwich, especially since I haven't eaten meat in weeks. So now I'm sitting in the lounge with Sam and Maria because I was hoping that the internet would be better where the modem is, but nope. So. This post has no real point. (The title of this post, by the way, is a song by The Strokes called Games. It's from the album Angles, which I really love).

Considering staying up all night again. Might as well, since I've only been up for four hours. I have the end of season 4 and all of season 5 of Lost on DVD to watch, so even if the internet stays down I have something to do... Okay, well this has been a massive waste of everyone's time. So I'll go now. Goodbye :)

Ahh, yes. Sorry about that last post. Boy troubles. I can't say what though. Meh.

I should be writing my essays because I have one due next Monday and one due next Friday, but I keep getting distracted. Uni will be over for the year in a few weeks, then I have an exam, and then it'll be the holidays, and I keep thinking about the summer and what I'm going to do and it's keeping me from concentrating on my work.

What if I didn't go back to uni next year? What if I got a flat and a job instead? Some of my friends are moving here next year so I won't be alone anymore, and so I don't want to leave the city, but I just don't feel up to another year of school. It's no use, anyway, because I'll just fail again and all I'll have to show for uni is a massive student loan.

Ahhh, so anyway. I should go. Essays to... think about. :)

crap

crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap.

Suuuunlight over me no maaaaatter what I do

did you listen to the song I linked in my last post? :-)

I bet you didn't :-)

hey I'm getting a haircut today! for the first time in 8-9 months. I found a place just down the terrace which will cut it for $40 which is twice as much as what I paid in Fielding but it's better than like $80 at Ralph Lauren so~

and hopefully that means they're decent hairdressers.

before my haircut (so at 10am when I deem it appropriate to leave my room) I'm going to go shopping (again!) because when I have money I insist on wasting it on clothes, books and DVDs instead of saving it. I need new clothes because I've put on weight yay and the full length jeans I bought in England barely fit me anymore. Whenever I wear them I get this horrible pain because they cut into my tummy. I wore them to the Dylan Moran gig and almost died on the way home. I actually had to undo the button :| So now I only have one pair that fits and they're not full length and they're too bright; I need dark coloured jeans. Which means spending another $50 or so and money's getting tight.

Sorry I don't know what this post is it's pretty pointless I'm just killing time.

the title is from The Shrine/An Argument by Fleet Foxes. it's good. go listen :)

though I know it's small, I want love for us all.

I have bought way too many books lately.

Monday:

• The Talisman, Stephen King & Peter Straub (Whitcoulls, $28)
  
• A Game of Thrones, George R R Martin (Whitcoulls, $20)
  

Tuesday:

• White Fang & Call of the Wild, Jack London (Vicbooks, $15)
  
• The Skinny Louie Book, Fiona Farrell (Vicbooks, $13)
  
• American Gods, Neil Gaiman (Mightyape, $12)
  

Wednesday:

• Mockingjay, Suzanne Collins (Marbecks, $22)
  

buying books is so addictive though! And add these to the five or so others I already have and I've got a lot of reading ahead of me, especially since three of them are 800+ pages.

Today was a good day. Woke up at 10, went out to JB Hi Fi and bought season 4 of Desperate Housewives, was whistled at on the street, went to my Roman History lecture at 1 with Helena then walked to the supermarket with her afterwards. I didn't do a lot in the lecture, just sat and listened to Impossible Soul. I really implore you to listen to at least the first four minutes of this 25 minute song. I want to know what you think; it's one of my favourites.

"Seems I got it wrong, I was chasing after something that was gone / To the black of night, now I know it's not what I wanted at all / And you said something like, "All you want is all the world for yourself" / But all I want is the perfect love / Though I know it's small, I want love for us all."

And that's it, really... :)

Just a wee update, nothing special... so I went to sleep at 2pm again yesterday, but this time I slept until 11pm, got up and watched an episode of Desperate Housewives, then slept again from 12.30-5am. Much better!

Today I'm going to do some washing, hopefully go to all my classes (I have 3, I think :| ), listen to Sufjan Stevens a lot and maybe get a haircut, because I'm desperately in need of one.

Oh dear, I've done it again! Yesterday I was in the Kelburn campus bookstore killing some time before my essay results arrived (B-, by the way!) and I somehow convinced myself to buy two more books... One is a collection of Jack London stories, including White Fang and Call Of The Wild. I left my copies at home (and they're much nicer too, all blue and pretty, while this one is one of those black penguin classics with a scary illustration on the front). The other book is called The Skinny Louie Book. It's by Fiona Farrell, a New Zealand author. All up it was only $28, which was nice!

Hmm. So I haven't actually been to a lecture in like six weeks? Oops. I'll try harder to get there today. Stayed up all night again. I got home yesterday at about 1pm, went to bed at 20 to 2 and slept until 9pm, and now it's 7am and I've been up 10 hours. This really can't be good for me.

Don't read this; it's long and boring!

Just sitting in the library... bit bored and all. Hmm. I was supposed to be meeting my friend Helena at 12 but she texted and said she couldn't come, so now the only reason I'm here (besides my lecture at 1, which I don't think I'll be going to now that Helena's not) is to pick up an essay at 2. I've already got one essay back today and I'm quite angry about it... I mean at myself, because the fact that I failed is my fault. My mark was bought down from a 62 to a 45 because I turned it in late, so I got a fail instead of a B-. Totally my fault. Otherwise it was an average essay. But the other one will hopefully be better, god I hope I passed.

Dad replied to an email I sent him saying that his girlfriend, who works for the government (in some way I don't know of) says to check with Government Services in Wellington to see if they have jobs. So that's three options now: the government, a supermarket or something else in Wellington. Our e-mail s are always three line things with a couple kisses at the end. As I'm sure most of you know my parents are divorced (oh, woe is me!), and my dad and I don't talk much. Still, he says I can come and visit him in the holidays... might as well right? He's getting along in years and his cholesterol's pretty bad. Then again I'll probably have to stay with my dear Auntie Sam, since he's broke and now lives in a one bedroom apartment. That'll show him, spending every night at the pub and living in freaking central Auckland.

Hm, I like it on this floor. Level 7, a quiet floor, lots of bookshelves. I'm at a table facing a window. It's pretty yucky outside... and it poured when I was waiting for the bus to come up here. It was madness.

I'm sorry this post is a bit long. You don't have to read it. It's drivel really. I just have some time to kill. I think after this I'll go to the campus bookstore or something. I can't really afford to buy another book but one of those $13 Penguin Classics with the lovely orange covers can't hurt, right? And then I'll see how busy the Hunter Lounge is. It's probably packed, since it's all grey and drizzly outside.

I didn't sleep last night. For the past week it's been 5am bedtime, up at 3pm, 5am bedtime, up at 3pm... so I decided to right that and pull an all-nighter. I've been up since 3 yesterday afternoon (20 hours and counting). I'm really tired but I have a V by my side and I should make it til 4pm. Then I can sleep until midnight. That's what I do. It's the only way I can be up in time for classes, if I wake up at 3am or something. The only problem is that all the nearest shops are shut and breakfast doesn't begin until 7am, and I'm not really a breakfast person.

Did I say this floor was quiet? Nope. The pipes are making an obscene amount of noise.

That's a cool story, Rosie! Tell it again?

Time to go.

xx

New things and new plans.

Bought these two books today! - The Talisman, by Stephen King and Peter Straub, and A Game of Thrones by George R. R. Martin. The latter's been turned into this amazing TV show so I had to buy the book, which was only $20. I had a nice surprise yesterday when I looked at my bank account. Studylink gave me a large back payment from my student allowance, so I decided to spend some of it.

At the back of my mind lately has been what I should do during the summer holidays. It probably deserves a front seat, but I shoved it to the gloomy end of the room where I don't have to look at it. I'm supposed to find a job and a place to stay, and I have two options so far:

• stay in Wellington, where work and accommodation is easier to find, but miss out on a lot of stuff back home (New Years probably).
  
• stay in Fielding, where there's the possibility of a job and board with one of my mum's friends, and be closer to my friends.

The second is definitely looking better right now. The possible job is at the Woolworths in town. I'd have to stay in Feilding though because my mum won't be able to drive in for work from home. It's a lot to think about and obviously I have to make a decision soon, or all the good spots are going to go. For the second plan I'm counting on one of my best friends to get me a job and while I'm sure she'll come through, I'm not so sure about my chances. I don't have a very good resume (although you probably don't need one to stack shelves in a supermarket...).

So there's that. But of course I have to finish the year at uni first. Pass my exam and other tests, etc etc. It'll all be over by October 31st...

new journal!

I bought a new journal yesterday! It was five dollars from the Whitcoulls down the road :D I've already made a start on it but of course I've ripped out three pages already because I 'ruined' them. Ahh. So picky.


this is the inside front cover. ignore my slightly crazy eyes.


today I made what was probably a bad decision- spent $22 at the supermarket, partly on a magazine (which had a harry potter poster inside!). Soo that's $40 gone in two days and $10 left. great.

my list book

I've decided to stop using this blog for dumb anecdotes and whining, and instead use it for what some people call "proper blogging".

So I'm sitting at my desk, it's 2.15 in the morning, I'm strung out on 1.4 litres of coke and a packet of toffeepops and I'm wondering what to do with my time on the internet. My eyes wander and fall upon this:


This is, simply put, the best journal I've ever owned. I bought it at a bookstore on Auckland's North Shore, while my dad waited (a tad impatiently).
I love it because I'm a journal snob, and this was the perfect purchase. It was $13, I think. The lines are perfectly spaced, the design is simple, the inside covers are a vibrant pink (though I covered them up with images I found on deviant.art):

pink! god, I was a bit odd back then.

(sorry about the bad quality; my webcam is crap).
The very first thing I wrote in this journal was a detailed list of all the crap I'd bought in Auckland (I was there on holiday with my sister, visiting my dad). At the bottom of the page is evidence of my terrible math. First it's $226 total, then $227, then $231. I think I gave up at that point and used a calculator.

I bought this journal in 2008, on Saturday the 12th of July. I know this because as well as using the front of the book for lists, I turned the back into a travel diary. There's an index, too and, oh! the first 80 pages are numbered. Hello, everyone, I'd like to introduce you to 15 year old me- the me who indexed and numbered her journals.

Also in the travel diary section are accounts of:

1. A dog show I went to in Taupo, 1st-2nd November, 2008
2. The Kawhatau Base tramp, 18th-20th May, 2007 (copied from a diary before I threw it away)
3. Westwood Camp, 11th-17th January, 2009
4. My stay in Christchurch with my Aunt, 13th-17th July, 2009
5. Vinegar Hill Camp, 3rd-8th October, 2009.

I also had an account of our camp at Mangaweka, January 2010, but I lost it when I moved to Wellington (along with months worth of other stuff- worst thing that's ever happened to me, and I'm still not entirely convinced that my sister didn't take it).

Further back is a list I made for Vinegar Hill:


There's also a list of music I wanted to download, demonstrating my music taste in 2009:

good taste, y/y?

and a list of what I got for Christmas that year, too:

all people ever bought me (and still buy me) are art supplies and books.

The reason why I wanted to post all this is because at some point I fell out of touch with my list-making, journal-keeping self, and I think that's sad. Since this journal is full I think I need to find another (and it has to be fabulous).

God, it's 2.30 now. I should go to bed....

but I won't :)

x

Little by little I've been getting a better idea of what I want to do with my life. My biggest dilemma is that most of the places I want to go are too far from all the people I love, so you're all going to have to come with me or I'm not leaving. I know that life is about change, but I don't want to accept that I wont always be within bussing distance of my friends and family. Since I moved I haven't done a very good job of making new friends. I've become known as the hermit, or the shut-in, who people see once a week or less. So leaving the country is scary, even though the idea of new things still excites me.

Nevertheless, I've given a lot of thought to my future career and there are a few things that appeal to me:

- owning an independent bookstore
- working in a museum
- something that has to do with writing

I just don't think my current degree is worth it. More and more I've been feeling like this isn't the right path to be taking, but I don't know what else there is. I think I need to talk to a careers advisor.

Still, even if I do change my papers or leave Vic completely, I've already got this huge debt to pay off. So perhaps I should take a year to save up, maybe get a flat and a full time job.

But I need to finish this year first, and I need to finish it well. Because I'm not going to make these last 7 months a waste of time. No. I'm going to home for the Christmas holidays proud of myself, so I can honestly say that I went to univeristy and I tried. I don't want to be known as the first of my family in generations to go to uni and fail.

Anyway, it's 2.32am. I should be getting to bed soon, or at least getting off the cmputer and reading for a bit :)

xx

oh god, i know i shouldn't be writing this because it's late and i'm not feeling good about stuff so it's all going to sound really whiny, but

apart from all the uni stress i don't feel particularly good about my life and where i'm at right now

i feel overweight and unwell and i don't know how to fix that because i'm too set in my ways and i don't know how to break out of it, and i know people will try to give me advice if i asked but it all just goes over my head, you know i think for a second maybe 'that's a pretty good idea' but then i've dismissed it again. i think (because i haven't weighed myself in a month) that i've put on five, maybe six kg since the beginning of year, and it's affecting everything. i feel extremely self conscious, all the time, and it's tiring. every time i go out to buy food i think 'something healthy this time!' and then i buy potato chips or chocolate.

it's worse because now i can go out and buy all the junk i want since i live in the city and there's no one telling me not to do it. my mum would, but i don't tell her.

i know everyone has mixed standards, like some people say 'you shouldn't worry about weight!' and others say that you have to be skinny to be happy and i just don't know what to think. people are always saying to me that i'm a normal weight or even that i'm skinny (i know! ridiculous!) but when i look at myself... i feel actual disgust. i want to cut off all the gross bits until i'm as toned and as sexy as i imagine i could be if i'd only work for it.

it's not like this is new, though. even at my smallest i still felt too big. it's always been there, or at least since high school started, when some of the girls in my year frequently called me "pregnant" and i started to realise how my stomach wasn't flat and i looked weird in the school shirts. i used to call my sister fat (because, well, she is a lot bigger than me) but i've realised how completely shit that must have been for her because i know that feeling like this is completely shit for me.


so yeah that's been enough for today & i'm sorry about this post.

bit better.

Things are better now. At least I know I'm not going to be kicked out or anything. Today I had a meeting with Student Learning Support and got some advice on essay writing, so that should help a bit.

I mean I not completely appeased- I'm still really worried, but I don't have to think about having to find something else to do. I'm still here, I'm still allowed to be here, and that's good enough for now. And I've been getting to more classes and sleeping more. So~

what am I doing?

When I went home over the holidays I was faced with a difficult decision. I didn't do very well... at all... in my exams last trimester which led to me failing three papers overall- even though my internal results were much better. Because of that I only have four papers now instead of seven, which is just enough but not much to rely on.

So my mum said to me, "I think going to university was a mistake. I don't think you're cut out for it."

It hurt me to hear that, because it's pretty much true. I wont deny that I don't have a very strong work ethic or that I'm even more tired, unhealthy and anti-social than I was at home. Hell, during my 2nd week of trimester 2 last week I missed classes on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, and I didn't do any revision.

To top it all off the FHSS has decided that I'm not qualified for French after all (which is probably just their mistake, but if it isn't I'll have to chose another paper), so I'm really stressed.

I don't sleep or eat well, and people have almost stopped trying to talk to me. I haven't seen my "friend" Megan since I got back, and my neighbours, Emily, Monique and Larissa are the only people who I really talk to, when I see them.

I think after this year I'll either leave or rethink my degree. I just don't know what to do. I like it here in Wellington, but I'm much too easily distracted and stressed out and I have this huge debt already... something like $6-7000. It hurts my head just to think about it (so I don't- think about it, I mean).

I guess I'm waiting for some kind of epiphany or a second chance to swoop down and make everything better, which isn't a very good way to live.

x

I've been reading through old posts on this blog, from back when I posted once or twice or three times a day and all the problems I had with my family and friends and just life in general went on here. At point I shook my head at how stupid I sounded (still sound?).

It all makes me a bit sad, overall. Nostalgia is part of it, but reading how I thought about some things and how I documented myself ruining things that could have been, I don't feel so good about who I used to be. I think I've changed a little since last year, maybe a lot.

Anyway, I don't what this post is or where it's going, so I'll stop now and go to bed. I have to up at 7 tomorrow morning. Gotta catch the bus so I can see Harry Potter!!!

x

Quick post because I haven't written anything since June 16th... D:

• Been back at home on holiday since my last post, mainly just working for Mum, paying off debt, and this week earning again. I met the group for a couple of days but since then have barely seen them, which really sucks. Three weeks, and I saw them once. It's because my holidays are out of sync with theirs.
• But! going to Harry Potter part 8 next Friday!! I've already booked my tickets back from Wellington. They were $5o exactly, which is pretty exorbitant but also worth it.
  
• Planning on going to Dylan Moran on August 27th. So excited I can't do words. You'll just to imagine some mental explosions/fireworks/babbling :)
• Aaand finally Mum is driving me home to Wellington tomorrow, and uni starts again on Monday.
  

T'ursday :)

Exams are officially over! Ahhh, it's such a relief. Walking back from campus today I felt so good. The air was crisp, there was no wind, and everything looked so lovely in the fading light. Wellington may be a big city, but even thriving metropolises have the ability to be beautiful. When I got home I copied a bunch of movies to my flash drive, then went to dinner. It was chicken again, but I'm not complaining :)
So anyway now I'm sitting here listening to Sufjan Stevens (new favourite thing ever!!) and watching The Time Traveler's Wife. Not at the same time, though. Obviously.

Um.
Yeah.
Bye :)

Wed 15th June

So, my exam yesterday went terribly. I'd kind of lulled myself into a sense of security, trying to fool my mind into thinking that I'd done enough, and coupled with 24 hours without sleep, I used more of my exam time I should have sitting with my head in my hands, wishing the two hours would go faster. I have a horrible feeling that I didn't score enough points to pass the course, but then again, I may have. I haven't done the math with my other assessments so really I have no idea.

My second and last exam is tomorrow at 2.30pm. This one is 3 hours long rather than 2. I plan on studying tonight and tomorrow, and I hope I can soak up enough last-minute information to pass. Thankfully some of it is resource based.

And when all that's done, I'm going home!! :)

Tues 14th June

My first exam of the trimester is today :( I'm still awake and it's 4.21am, because I decided to stay up all night due to the fact that I had 15 hours sleep last night. I'm rewatching Sherlock and doing some last minute revision.

On the plus side, I only have four more days in Wellington before I can go home again. Can't wait for the holidays :)

Things are starting to get closer. The Harry Potter premiere is in a month and the Book Fair is a little after that. Mostly though I can't wait to be back in Fielding with my friends.

And now here's the part when my post gets a big vague.
I have a kind of... choice to make. It's not really a difficult one, but I'm afraid if I pick yes I'll regret it. It's just that even though I haven't made up my mind, I can see the outcome and I'm not sure I don't like it.
I only put these cryptic bits in my blog posts because there's nowhere else to put them, no one really to talk to about it, and just because I can look back afterwards and see what I used to think.

Retail Therapy

Last Sunday Mum and Tori visited me. It was pretty cool. Of course, as she didn't want to go in the first place, Tori was being a snobby cow the entire time, but it was really nice to see Mum again (even though I was at home 2- or is it 3- weeks ago). Here's what we did :)

• Had lunch at a little cafe on Cuba St. It was tiny and stuffy and kinda drab, but the food was awesome. We all had breakfast, even though it was past 12pm. I ordered poached eggs and salmon on English muffins. Such a nice change from the usual grossness that we get here.
• We walked up and down Cuba St next. We went into this Japanese place, where Mum bought me a mug and a bowl for less than $10, plus a ringbinder for my notes.
• Went into Iko Iko on Cuba, this cute little place which sells all these awesome nick nacks. I persuaded Mum to buy me a music listography book on the grounds that I'll pay it off ($40) when I got home. Funnily enough, Tori got a $40 flask, and didn't have to pay up at all. Oh, the joys of being 18 and away from home.
• I wanted to go into Ferret books (secondhand) but Mum refused. Oh well. I went back on Tuesday, and you will read below.
• After that we walked around a little more, spent ages trying to find the car, and they went home at around 4pm.
  

So instead of doing all the things I should have done this Tuesday, I took a walk into the shopping centre and spent a little money. It was awesome :D
I think I was away for around 3 and half hours. During that time I visited all of the secondhand stores on Cuba St, which I'd been planning to do for quite a while. Here's what I bought:

• Went to Jay Jays. Not secondhand, but they were have a sale, so I bought a new top and a grey cardigan for $10 each.
• Recycle Boutique, a secondhand clothes store on Cuba. Most of the stuff they had was too expensive, but I found a 'vintage' Glassons jumper for $16.
• Ferret, a secondhand bookstore on Cuba. I bought the third Discworld novel (by Terry Pratchett) for $10. Now I have no.s 1, 2, 3 and the prequel, Strata. Awesome :D
  
• Arty Bees, a secondhand book store. There I bought an $18 copy of Stephen King's Under The Dome. I've been reading it on and off since Tuesday night, and I'm currently up to pg195. I was also tempted to buy The Green Mile, in its original 6 part series, but each book was $4, or $24 total, and I didn't have enough by that point. They also had a PILE of Discworld novels, but not the 4th one. I know that reading them all in order isn't terribly important, but I want to anyway :P
  
• I went into 2 or 3 other secondhand clothes store and secondhand music store, but by that point I was losing enthusiasm for shopping and running out of money, so I stopped by the supermarket, bought some pretzels and went home.
• If any of you decide to come visit me here, we are so going secondhand store shopping. It's awesome.

I can't believe that exams are so close already! Mine are on the 14th and 16th of June, meaning I'll be home from mid-June til earliyish July, I think the 7th or 8th.
I haven't really started studying yet. At the moment i'm concentrating on writing my last internal essay and reading the plays that I need to catch up on. I'm not freaking out yet, just slightly worried, but we'll give it some time and see how that goes.

In other news, I'm not longer going to bed at 5am and waking at 2pm. Instead I'm going to bed at 6pm and waking at 4am, or have been since Sunday. It's irritating, but better. It means I've been to all my lectures and tutorials for this week. I've also been to breakfast! I was missing toast :D

Erm, what else?
Mum and Tori are visting on Sunday. We're going out to lunch. Real food! :D
That's it really.
Yaay good blog posts.

Movie Nights

Though I didn't drink or go anywhere this weekend, I had a fun time last night and on Friday night. On Friday night Megan, Cody, Katie, Anthony, Michael and I watched movies in 8th floor common room (Dorian Gray, Planet Terror & Turistas). At first it was me, Katie and Megan and then Cody arrived and Katie left and then Michael and Anthony wandered in. That's why I like movie nights. People just show up and watch with you and you don't really know who it's going to be.

Last night Emily had a party in her room and I was sitting at my laptop bored out of my mind, so at 10pm I decided to take out my rubbish. On the way there I met Megan, who was doing washing, and she asked me if I wanted to watch a movie on 8. I went down there but instead of watching anything we sat on the couches with our laptops and talked about lots of things. I realised that Megan is as awkward as me when it comes to a lot of stuff, and we get along really well.

Michael came in later, about 12am, and made some Mi Goreng. We decided to go to 5th floor and play Left 4 Dead 2, and we were there for 3 hours or so. Cody joined us at some point too.

Written down like this it doesn't sound as fun as it was. It was just nice to interact with humans again. I've been locking myself in my room too much lately stressing about problems with my courses and assignments and I didn't really talk to anyone last week.

Anyway, probably about time I changed into proper clothes. Still in my pyjamas at almost 3pm... :P

x

stayed up all night
blogged
painted a little bit
walked for an hour in the drizzle trying to find food (this was at 1am) an eventually came across a gas station where i bought energy drinks and chips
feeling great
that was partly sarcasm
*good blog post*

Bad Day

I have a tummy ache because I haven't eaten all day, a head ache because I'm tired and haven't been outside at all and a big sense of guilt for not doing any work. I'm supposed to have finished my history essay by now but once I'd been reassured that it's pretty much ok to turn it in late, I promptly "forgot" about it and now I still have half of it to do and probably just one day in which to do it. Thank God I don't have any 12 am classes tomorrow. And I'm getting my government money.
I really want to sleep :( But I don't know if I'm tired enough yet.
Bleugh.

Bullet Point List of Things You Care About

• Yesterday ran out of money. Awesome.
• Today found 10 dollars in pants. Actually awesome.
• Last night watched Jurassic Park 1 & 2 and Signs, then went into common room and watched Fight Club with Katie (my floor (which is 9), Megan (floor 8) and Cody (floor 4). It's actually a pretty funny movie.
• Anyway, by the time that was finished it was quarter past 4 am, but none of us went to bed. Cody looked up some videos on YouTube and we talked a bit
• ... and then Cody mentioned that he'd bought some hentai the other day.
• ... and Megan said she'd never seen it before.
• So Cody went to floor 4 to get his hentai (which is anime porn, by the way) and we watched some of that.
• Let me tell you, watching porn with other people is weird. Katie left before we started so it was me, Megan and Cody.
• By the time we switched it off it was past 5am.
• I went back to my room and read some posts on hyperboleandahalf.com
• And then at 7am I went to sleep.
• I think that porn got into my head a little because I had some very, er... interesting dreams.
• And I woke up at almost 3pm today, having had around 7 hours sleep.
  
• I was supposed to go to the city library with Megan today after brunch but I can't find her anywhere and she's not answering my texts, so it's possible she's gone without me.
• Never mind.
• I can go to the supermarket or something and get some food, then come back here and watch a movie or two. Good plan.

x

Favourite Movies of all Time.

Because I'm trying to avoid doing my essay:

• Harry Potter (all of them)
  
• Jurassic Park
• Donnie Darko
• Children of Men
• The Day After Tomorrow
• Saving Private Ryan
• 28 Days Later
• War of the Worlds
• The Aristocats
• Atonement
• The Lovely Bones
• Kick Ass
• The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
• Signs
• Catch-22
• Defiance
• Pineapple Express
• Shaun of the Dead

And that's all for now.

Oooh that was close. Just today I got an e-mail from this guy saying that they'd just realised that I didn't take the pre-requisite course for the French paper I'm doing next trimester. It's a good thing I did four years of French in high school, otherwise they wouldn't have let me in!

In other news, I've finished writing my Greek Literatiure essay (on Antigone) and now only need to write 2000 words for my as yet one paragraph long History essay (on Communists). Help?

Thank god I have no lectures tomorrow!

<3

Second Day Back

Back at school. I only had one lecture yesterday and only one today, because for some reason Greek History lectures don't start until next week, which is annoying. I went up to uni at 11 yesterday only to find out that I didn't need to be there until 2. I only have one tomorrow too, and none on Thursday. This is good. I have two major essays due this week. A history one worth 35% of that class and a Greek Lit one worth 30%, so it's a pretty big deal.

Other than that I've just been watching movies and stuff.
And quite a lot of stuff has been happening lately, eh?

I mean, first there was the earthquake.
Then Osama.
And now a tornado. Right where I used to live.

I've had a while to think about this whole Osama deal. I haven't been able to blog on my usual blog lately due to some computer issue, so instead of rushing right into it I've been sitting back and forming an opinion.

I think it's disgusting that people are celebrating his death. Of course, he did terrible, horrible things, but he was still a human being. And to celebrate the death, no, the murder, of a human being is completely wrong.

I think we need not to celebrate, but to remember. Because of Osama, all those people died in 9/11. Instead of cheering and shouting and praising the soldiers that did it, we can think about this whole ten year struggle has done to America and the rest of the world. Osama's death wont necessarily end anything. There are still followers out there. Obama may have said that they aren't at war with Islam and never will be, but who's to say that they wont retaliate? I heard that they had prepared a strike in case Osama were killed. I know it's not right to think so pessimistically about this, but the world has to be realistic.

We can't give up hope, either. With their leader gone, the war on terror might stop. All that money channelled into the war could be put to better use. People wont be needlessly dying. Terrorism, at least in America and the Middle East, could stop.

There's really no one way to look at it.

So there are my thoughts.

Obviously

It's Saturday night and I'm sitting in my room reading Antigone and trying to make sense of this essay I have to write, and three boys from floor 1 or whatever come in and ask me if I'm drinking. I think it's pretty obvious that once I've said no they should leave, since I am obviously busy. Don't stand around asking me stupid questions, just go the fuck away.

I'm stressing about this essay a little because on top of it there's another which I'm stressing about even more. All in all I have to write 4,500 words by Thursday/Friday, and that's the part of the workload that doesn't include running around going to the library and trying to find relevant info when I don't even know what relevant info I need. Ugh.

School starts again in two days too.
Great.

Wish me luck x

Jeez what an averageish night.

Went up to uni at 20 to 8 with Jared, handed in my essay, waited for the bus back, got to 5th floor at 10 past 9 and had a couple shots of tequila.

James was in the common room. I ignored him, but it wasn't awkward because I was a couple shots past caring by the time I actually went in there.

There weren't actually that many people around, which sucked. Just me, Megan, Andre, Jared (sober), Caleb (the hall president) and three other guys, one of whom body slid across a dinner table on St Paddy's Day. Those three guys left at one point to smoke some "Mary J" and I was going to go with them but I didn't really understand what was going on, cause I'd had 8 shots by then, so they left and then came back later. I smelled the weed though. It smelt really nice.

This isn't in order at all...

• Got on a bus to Kelburn campus with Jared
• Went to the library and printed off my essay. Became a fake girlfriend. (If you saw that Jared and I were a relationship on FB, it's not actually real. He did it to get back at his 'ex-wife'.)
  
• Put the essay in the essay box. Climbed up some very dark stairs and found an attic. Freaked out Jared by pretending there was someone else there.
  
• Walked in circles around campus while we waited for a bus back
• Got the bus and once home again found Andre and Caleb and this other guy on 5th floor, listened to some music, did a couple shots of tequila. I hated the salt bit but the lemon was nice
  
• Sat in the 5th floor common room with Andre and Laura while Andre cut up some lemons
  
• Realised that James was there and internally freaked out. Ignored him.
  
• Did two more shots
• Hid the alcohol from the RAs
  
• Went to Megan's room so she could get something to drink
  
• Also had some Baileys
• And more shots
  
• Wandered around. Tried to wrestle a ball off Andre. Failed
  
• Went to Andre's room with Megan and chilled, because everyone had disappeared (probably smoking)
  
• Went back to Caleb's room
• Decided to go to McDonalds

I did get pretty drunk but by 20 to 1 I was feeling soberish, so Megan and I went to get Michael and Jared from 8th floor and went to McDonalds, and I feel pretty much normal now.

SO average. I mean compared to other nights, it was. First time drinking tequila though. Not as bad as I thought it would be.

It's definitely time for bed now though. Ok. Goodnight x

Home!

Caught the bus at 2 and finally arrived back in Wellington two and half hours later. Walked all the way up Lambton Quay to the James Cook Hotel entrance and then onto The Terrace, and now finally home again!
I was feeling so faint because I hadn't eaten anything at all today, so I walked to McDs for food.

Ugh and already I've been in two awkward lift situations- one with this guy I hooked up with, and two with some guy and his Mum. It's just weird when no one says anything.
Situation number one was resolved when two lifts arrived at once and I got in one and he got in another, but not before I'd managed to mumble a hello and walk backwards into a table. Christ, why am I so awkward?

Anyway. I'm supposed to be doing an essay right now but I honestly have no idea what I'm supposed to write, and there's no one around that I can talk to about it.

About ten minutes ago Jared and Ripeka from 8th floor came up (Jared in a sleeping bag...) and invited me to their floor to watch a movie, which I'm thankful for. I don't really feel like sitting in my room all night.

x

This Is An Extremely Pointless Blog Post, So Don't Get Your Hopes Up

Back at home in Sanson. Back among the family, the dogs, the farm... and I miss Wellington. After the weekend I've just been mooching around the house, waking up late, eating all the good food. I've been grocery shopping with my mum a couple of times. So exciting, I know.

For an hour or so today I was under the impression that I was going to a movie, but didn't.

I actually have nothing to say. This is so pointless.

9 Awesome Things About The Weekend

1. Having so many innuendos in one conversation and making Jordan laugh and me laughing too and not being able to stop and it just being hilarious even though we make sexual jokes all the time

2. James flailing at me at the skatepark

3. Laughing at James and Isaac snoring with Brendan and comparing the noises they made to very inappropriate similies

4. Blundering around Keryn's house at 3am with Brendan and almost falling on Cecile and James

5. Having a discussion on Hamlet & the Iliad with Jess M

6. Watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

7. Playing Halo 3 and Left For Dead at Jess W's house and laughing at Jess M and Keryn turning around in circles and shooting at the sky

8. Pulling wet branches down and soaking everyone unfortunate enough to be walking beneath them

9. Getting only an hour's sleep on Friday night and watching the dawn

Stressing

Things are getting BETTER and BETTER regarding this essay. I'm probably going to end up needing an extension now because I have to rewrite the entire thing, due to a typo in the course materials. I feel like everything is being heaped on my shoulders at once and I know that when I get back next Friday I'm going to be swamped with essays and research and God knows what else. I think I'll go mad now and be done with it.

Worries

Guys I am freeaaaking out :( I've only done 530 words on this essay and I'm supposed to have 1000 and it's due on Friday and I don't think I've done it right. I might have to take out some of it :( I have around 89,796,575 tabs open on my browser cause I'm trying to find something relevant to write about and beef out my essay but it's not working and ugggh. On top of that my internet connection is tres iffy these days. Which helps. A LOT.

Oh and today I was sent an e-mail that everyone else apparently got a week ago saying that my next hall payment is due on the 19th, and it's in the $3000 range, and I don't know if Mum's going to be able to handle it.

Aside from that and my essay there's a tonne of other stuff that needs doing... my room is a mess, I STILL need a laptop->printer USB, I have readings to catch up on and I have Studylink stuff to sort out. Then there's laundry to do and my sleeping pattern is out of whack... and I'm poor.
Fun times.

Today

Only three days until home time!!

Today was preetty good. I was awake at 10.30 and kinda slept in for an hourish, then got up and went to uni. Only two hours of class today, before which I had the BEST HOT CHIPS OF MY LIFE. Perfect balance of crunch, salt and oil. Tres bonne :3

For dinner tonight I had FREE PIZZA, courtesy of my RA. There are 21 empty boxes piled up near our rubbish bins. It was yummy. I had one slice of cheese pizza and two of cheese and salami. Simple stuff, but so gooood. Afterwards two girls from my floor, Larissa and Monique, were still hungry, so we walked to McDs and they bought McFlurry's. I'm still full D:

I sat in the lounge with my laptop doing my essay, didn't get far though. There are some people from my floor that I get on really well with, like Larissa, and Emily, who I was talking to for a while today. It's nice to know that I'm finally making some proper friends.

Yaaay :D

Ooh a new follower :3

I don't know who you are though, care to introduce yourself?

Results

I got a B on my history paper (69%). I'm actually pretty happy with it. It's close to 70%, which is a high number in my mind. Aaand the marker said it was "very well written" (quoting exactly from the sheet here). So overall not bad for my first ever uni essay.
On top of that I have a third assignment due next Friday. And I'm still freaking out about my other essay, and we don't get results for those until after holidays.

Speaking of, I'm pretty sure I'll be taking the bus to Palmerston North on the 15th, and from there going to Feilding. I'm going to need to know what's going on get-togetherwise, so I can book the right times. It may mean skipping a lecture or two, but never mind about that.

Anyway. I'm dog tired today so I think I'll read for a bit now and then sleep.

x

Little Update

- Two essays handed in, but no results yet (not until Thursday anyway, according to my History lecturer).
- Diet has become considerably worse, but I am trying to improve.
- Room is actually tidy for once, though will most likely be a mess in no time.
- Tired. All the time.
- Have been on Student Job Search everyday but so far nothing worthwhile.
- Poor.

etc.

April Fools!

Handed in my essay at 2pm- 3 hours before is was due. I'm so glad to finally be done with it. It wasn't partiularly hard, just stressful. All the footnotes and things had to be done in very specific way and I was freaking out...
What's fantastic though is that there are 2 people on my floor and one on the floor below that also take this paper (Greek Lit) so all Wednesday night from around 6pm to about 3am we were all running around, going to each other's rooms, making sure we'd remembered everything. It had such a sense of community and just generaly good-spirited helpfulness about it. It made me feel a lot better about doing this essay. I was motivated to get it done because we were all encouraging each other.

Still. These people, they feel like something in between accquaintances and friends. I know I've only been here 5 weeks.), and it took me 5 years to find such amazing friends and build up my relationship with you guys, it's just that I miss some things about home and high school.

There's a lot of good stuff about living here though...

Anyway, I really ought to try and sleep. Triple barrel of lectures tomorrow & then maybe a night out drinking and bowling (we'll see how that goes down...), so bye bye for now.

x

Chillin'

Just sitting in the laundry with my laptop, listening to my nostalgia playlist, waiting for the dryer to finish its cycle. Yaay.
19 minutes to go.
My nostalgia playlist is the one with all the songs in my iTunes library that remind me of the old days. Songs like Save Tonight, by Eagle Eye Cherry, This is the Story of a Girl, by 3 Doors Down, Sex and Candy by Marcy Playground. I never skip them when they come up on shuffle either. Makes me think of when I lived in Auckland, or of the holidays we used to go on.

La la la

The acoustics in here are really really echoey so when I song along it's really loud. I don't even care. Empty stairwells outside. No one around. Awesome. I'm gonna sing along as loudly and as badly as I can.

Yaay okay washing done bye bye.

Rest In Peace Granddad Nelson <3

2.24am, March 23rd 2011

The transition from high school to university (work wise) really isn't that bad. I mean, it's like when you go from year 12 to 13- it's just a level up that you have to adapt to, but nothing so bad as to make it too hard for the majority of students. I wouldn't be here if they didn't think I'm capable, and I am :D

Anyway. Birthday. Eugh.
That's not an exclamation of disgust. It's more like whatever.
It wasn't a bad day, it was just average. I guess because it was Tuesday today and I had to go to classes and do all this stuff that I do on any other day of the week. The only big difference is all the people saying happy birthday to me.
I didn't get anything in the post, but I know that Mum and my aunts and uncles have sent stuff which hasn't arrived yet (since some of it is coming from England).
The people on my floor seem pretty keen to go out this weekend. I don't have an ID yet but hopefully I will by Friday or Saturday (and hopefully I wont have to pay for my own booze).

Anyway. Don't really know where I was going with this, so goodnight.

Yerp

Owww I'm really uncomfortable right now. I'm sitting on the floor against a window but since it's 3 stories above ground (or above road- it's a bridge thingy from one side of the road to the other) there are these retarded thin metal bars that are digging into my back and I can't move because there are no other seats and I'm lazy.

Anyway I woke up this morning to 19 text messages because of the birthday wishes on FB. That was at about 10am. I had a shower and everything and then just kinda left to come to uni, even though I don't have a class until 2pm. I don't know what my floor is planning but I hope they'll leave it until this weekend because I seriously cannot afford to miss any more lectures or tutorials.
I actually have a ton of work to do- mostly reading.
:(

On the bright side birthday means presents and presents usually means money which is something I am short on, like, all the time. So yaay.

Adieu :) x

Handed in my essay with only two hours to spare yesterday. I feel pretty good about it. I'm sure I avoided all the major traps that we were warned about, and though it might not have a new and interesting take, I covered all the basics. I'd be happy with a C. At the very most I'm expecting a B-, but that's probably wishful thinking.

17th March 2011

First essay due tomorrow. Freakaaaay.
Laptop arriving today. Awesome.
18th birthday next Tuesday.

Yep.

I went to see I Am Number Four with some people from my floor on Tuesday night. Tickets were cheap. Only $10.90. It's a pretty good movie. I liked the music especially and the actors too (Diana Agron and Timothy Olyphant), so I recommend it :P

Anyway I shouldn't be on here because I have an essay to write. But I thought I would update. Just because.

Love x

HI

Uni rocks.
I'm much less stressed and sad than I was at highschool.
Course it isn't perfect, but it's still better.

This is a link to my fanfic. For Chrissy <3
We have to meet up one day by the way. I miss you :'(

x

Home Again

I'm hooommmme.

Sort of, anyway. Even after only three weeks Wellington still feels like more of a home to me. It's like I've connected with the city or something. I've been here in Sanson since yesterday night, and I'm going home tomorrow at 2ish. I want to get back to my room and the city streets and my lectures.

Anyway, today was awesome. Hung out in Fielding with James, Jess, Keryn and this guy called Brendan who I've never met before. He has hair like Andrew Garfield. We sang songs and went on the playground, because we're cool.
And then I came back home and it was like guh, can I go back to Wellington now?? So I ate some bread and now I'm on my mum's laptop (I STILL DON'T HAVE MY OWN AND IT'S PISSING ME OFF).

And so right now I'm going to proof read the latest chapter of my story (number 11), and post it, so that the seven or so people who actually read it can sigh at how much worse it's gotten since the first chapter.

Did I post that on here before? I write Harry Potter fanfiction. Because I'm tc.

That is all.

a wee update

Hurro everyone.
I like Wellington. It's pretty great. I miss home and my friends and family and everything but this city is amazing and there are some really cool people in my hall. I don't have a laptop yet (which is why I'm writing this from one of the Uni computers) but I'll have one probably sometime this week, and I'll be on a wee bit more often.
My hall allows day visitors and overnight visitors so if anyone wants to come see me then please do :) Mum has booked a train for me to visit home this Friday and Saturday so I'll probably come and see you big ole year 13s at school :) I miss you guys!
Right. Greek History lecture to get to now so bye bye :D x

It's weird that this was my last day living in Sanson. I suppose that once I'm gone, Wellington will be my home, not here. Not really. I'm having mixed feelings about it. I'm part happy, part sad, part excited, part nervous.
Here's a couple of photos of me and my friends that I really love:

This one is of Ben, Me, Jess, Jess, Keryn, James and Jordan.

And this is Me, Jess, Nadia, Isaac, Cecile, Jess, James and Keryn.

I'm quite sad about leaving them behind. Of course I'll be seeing them again, but probably not for a few months :/

Anyway, it's late and I have to be up early tomorrow, so I'll be going to bed now.

TMI Friday & The Woman Who Waxed My Eyebrows

Things are looking a bit better. I took my algebra test today and passed, gaining an extra 2 Level 1 numeracy credits. Everything should be sorted by Monday. Also on Monday we're hopefully going to Palmerston to go laptop shopping. I've convinced Mum that I'm going to need one this year and, thankfully, she agrees with me. Aside from sitting tests that I shouldn't have to take, I've just been watching Glee S1 and walking around wishing this heat would stop so I can start dressing like a normal person again. I never used to have to wear so little clothes indoors. Our thermostat informs us that it's 28 degrees inside the house in the middle of the day, so usually I don't bother changing out of my pjs unless we go into Feilding.
We actually got a treadmill while I was in the UK, so I'll be on that once a day from now on until I go. I want to lose all the weight I gained over Christmas (which everyone says isn't noticable, but my thighs tell another story). Sorry about all the TMI stuff- I know I'm not usually this personal in my blog posts. I just figured that since less people read this now I should express myself properly. Unless there are people creeping and not commenting. That would be a bit weird. What am I saying? I do that all the time.
It's okay, I know that most will probably just skim read this..

I actually got my eyebrows waxed today. That's a total first for me. The woman who did them was so hard case. She was like Do you go to school? Do you have a boyfriend? Do you have a job? But in a totally hilarious, nice way, and not in an annoying, prying way. It's that place next to The Shed in Fielding. I just walked in and I was like yo do my eyebrows and even though I didn't have an appointment and she was all booked she was like alright lie down now and I'll do them for $10 instead of $15. Sweet as. Anyway, they look great, not mad and wild like they used to.

I think I've prattled on for long enough.
Ciao.

Oh, and leave a comment if you're not too much of a creeper ;) x

I'm baaaaaaaaaaack :D It feels so nice be in good ole New Zealand again. I'll admit that I did come over a little emotional as the plane descended into Palmerston North airport.

The plane flight from Heathrow -> LA -> Auckland was better than it was on the way there. I watched movies and slept pretty much the whole time. And the food wasn't bad. Except that spicy lamb with chickpeas I had for dinner.
Anyway, the first leg from Heathrow to LA was around 10 1/2 hours, and the second from LA to Auckland was 12 :O We had to go around all this bad weather so it took freaking forever. And then I had to go through Customs and stuff at LAX and Auckland, and I was lugging these two super heavy bags around with me, and it was way too hot in the airport. I'm just happy I'm home.

Good things:

• I get to sleep in my own bed :D
• I have all my DVDs and CDs and books now at my leisure
• I get to see my FRIENDS, who I have missed SO MUCH :D
• There was a pile of new clothes on my bed from my mum's friend who always gives me fashionable stuff
• It isn't cold :D
• The computer isn't a gazillion billion years old (Nana's is s0 old, in fact, that it has no port for a memory stick)
  

Things That Annoyed Me:

• Almost all of the music on my iTunes has been deleted. All that remains are the songs that I put on there via. CD i.e., not a whole fucking lot
• Mum changed my room around so when I got back I had to fix it
• It's really fucking humid
• Tori took all the Harry Potter books from my room and put them on her shelf
• NO ONE IS ONLINE. EDIT: oh no, here's Jess :D

So I think I'll just go now and write some more of my fanfic and try very hard not to fall asleep with my head on the keyboard :) x

The Dealio

When I get back to NZ (only 12 days away!!) I have to go into school and take a little maths test, to get one numeracy credit so I have UE. Once the test has been marked (and I've PASSED, hopefully) and the score is on my ROA, I have to phone the University and tell them my NSN, Uni ID no., and my name, and get them to submit my application.
My mum called Mr Smythe and she said he sounded really blase about the whole thing, which makes me quite angry, because it is a big deal, even if it is fixable. What if I have to change courses because the ones I want are full up?? This could have changed my whole study plan.
Anyway, so long as that's done before the 25th Feb, it should be sweet. Before the 20th is actually great, because the 20th is when I more. Classes start on the 28th.

Well. It's not a glitch. But it's not my fault either.

The problem (big surprise) lies with my maths records.

Even though the NZQA website says that I have 15 numeracy credits at Level 1, Vic U and NZQA both say that I have 13, due to two credits being discounted, as they weren't needed. So I have three options:

1. Go to FAHS and take a test to make up the ONE credit that I'm missing (not likely, since I'm in the UK...),
   
2. Take a test through correspondence
3. Or call Vic U and see if there's a bridge course that I can take.

I HATE maths.
So now that I know why, I can get to fixing it. I did not work this hard for nothing (and my mum's money isn't going down the drain either).

Vic U declined my admission.

It's got to be a mistake, right?
I got Uni entrance, 120 plus points, I passed all my externals, I have over 80 credits from levels one, two and three, I got Level one and two with Merit, and I have my literacy and numeracy credits, so... what's the problem?!
Maybe it's a technical glitch, like last time.

Pleasepleaseplease let it be a glitch.

St Ives

Seriously, such a beautiful place. I would legitimately live there. It's by the ocean. It has tonnes of art galleries, nice places to eat, a proper supermarket- even chain clothes stores like Fat Face (yes, there is an actual store here called Fat Face). The good thing about Cornwall is that everything is quite close. There are towns only a couple of miles away in every direction, and the main city, Truro, isn't that far away.

Anyway. Papa dropped me off at the Tate Modern Art Gallery at 1pm. It's a big flash building right by the beach. They had a huge exhibition there for some guy whose name I can't remember. If I'm honest, I didn't like his art that much. I had lunch (garlic chiabatta bread with parmesan and a glass of Pepsi) and walked up the road to the main street.

I walked up and down these tiny road, stopping in almost every store (about half were art galleries). Eventually I came to this gallery near the water- I went in a loop- where you're able to watch the artists painting, buy their work and just browse. I met this guy called Donald McLeod. After looking at his stuff I bought some postcards and we had a chat.

One of his paintings was just incredible. It was a massive framed piece of artwork called Old Cornish Harbour Evening Glow. I wont post a picture because nothing that I can find does in justice. The price of the original artwork was around £1,650 ($3300)- and well worth it, I say.

This may sound weird, but as I was examining the original piece I felt this welling up of emotion in my chest & throat, and it was like I was about to cry... so I left the room and went to look at some simpler, lesser paintings to calm myself down.

After our chat I left and walked around some more, took some photos etc. I found a brilliant little Oxfam bookshop where I bought a used Spanish dictionary for £4.

I called Papa at around 4, because I had nothing else to do.

And that was my day :)

I Just Almost Died D:

I got an e-mail from Vic saying they hadn't recieved my documentation (birth certificate, passport etc) and that it was due TODAY, and then when I checked my offer of study they said I hadn't even APPLIED YET.
So Mum rang them and they said it was all a technical error and that they were just waiting for my NCEA results. And I was relieved.

And then I freaked out again because what if I failed everything??

This Post Is Even More Useless Than The Last Three

One day I'll just stop writing blog posts altogether and no one will notice, because no one cares.

When I'm gone and at Uni you wont have any idea what's going on because you'll all be together at school, without me. Having fun. Sometimes I wish I were a Year 12.

It's no use directing blog comments at people because they're never here to read them. I miss how it used to be.

Rachel, Josie, Alex, Chrissy, Rebecca, Isaac, Rachel T, Tabitha, Keryn, Me... a nice blog community.

This is my 4th blog post of the day but I don't care.

This probably lessens the liklihood of anyone reading the last three because you can't handle all the words and intenseness that is and that always has been my blog.

Even though most of what I say is rubbish.

You still love me.

I love you,
you love me,
we're a happy family or something like that.

Another line of text.

Here's another.

lorem ipsum dolor si amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Quisque egestas fringilla tellus, vitae mattis felis dapibus non. Pellentesque ipsum libero, pharetra nec vulputate vel, pellentesque adipiscing sapien. Curabitur sapien nibh, scelerisque non accumsan id, accumsan et quam. Mauris semper pellentesque mi sit amet fermentum. Sed ut augue ut felis pulvinar rutrum. In lorem velit, luctus ut faucibus id, consectetur in purus. Fusce lacus enim, gravida ut congue at, rhoncus et leo. Quisque imperdiet, nibh id tristique mollis, libero enim cursus elit, sed fermentum augue lectus vitae velit. Donec et lacus sit amet enim iaculis hendrerit. Sed nec velit ipsum, at vehicula tortor. Nam vehicula fringilla iaculis. Phasellus a mi id mi euismod molestie. Curabitur ut enim erat. Curabitur mollis ante ac mi pellentesque dignissim. Aenean ligula arcu, semper vel mattis id, fermentum vel felis. Duis consectetur pretium metus at ullamcorper. Ut faucibus dolor et nibh molestie vulputate.


lolol did that confuse you? It's just filler text. Now this post looks much longer and I'm going to go watch Doctor Who now and then hopefully go to bed and sleep for three weeks.

AND YET ANOTHER

Three posts in one hour? I'm not sure if it's unheard of, but I certainly haven't done this for a while. I was just reminicing and going through my posts from like January to March of last year, thinking about how pathetic and stupid I was and about all the mistakes that I made. I used to post so much, and so did everyone else. I used to blog about pseudo intellectual shit, and my family, and school, and my angst.
All that old crap about a group dictatorship, me being excited about a caravaning holiday that ended up sucking, saying things like "oh i feel so much but i can't tell you because i have to hold myself back in case you judge me". Jesus Christ. Pathetic.
I don't know who still reads this blog. I don't know if anyone still cares. And I don't care about whether you read what I'm about to type, and release into the big world wide web.

• First of all, I missed an opportunity and I'm pretty fucking mad about that. I am like the Queen of Missed Opportunities. I could have a castle on an island where all I do is avoid potentially good situations in a subconcious effort to make myself unhappy. Most of what I've missed has to do with BOYS. I didn't tell one person how I really felt, and I confessed to another and completely avoided any subsequent consequenses. Because of this I've had a couple of years in which I've felt very conflicted and emotional, and I'm still unsure as to how those two people are feeling.
• I want to come home to New Zealand. I don't know why I let Mum book my flight home for Feb 4th, only two weeks before I leave for Wellington. I've been here for too long already and I feel like I need to home, where my people and my things are. England is great- it's beautiful, not too chilly anymore, cheap (mostly) and is the home of people who I haven't seen in a long time- but I'm a Kiwi at heart and I need to back on my homeland. Everything feels so far away right now.

That's actually all for tonight. Those are my main isses right now.
I think that this is becoming my blog again. Well and truly.

Jan 8th 2010

I simply cannot go back home fatter than I was when I left.

Christmas really was not kind to me. Honestly. I've put on a couple kg, at least. And then today I had the biggest lunch. We went to Cafe Rouge, a French restaurant in Plymouth, and I had half a chicken (NOT EVEN KIDDING) covered in herbs and garlic, with a bowl of French fries. It was bloody good, but god I feel bloated right now.

I haven't felt this bad since like last January. I spent all last year trying to lose a little weight, and actually did so, which was weird since I didn't do much... and now it's back on again.

So, during the next three weeks I will make an effort to exercise and eat less junk & stuff, and come back to NZ with a body like a supermodel. Lolkidding, but still.

Early Morning Blogging

we're just ordinary people
and we don't know which way to go

So I've been watching Doctor Who a lot. I started at the 2005 season with Christopher Eccleston as The Doctor, and now I'm just beginning season 3 with David Tennant. It's basically the reason why I've been going to bed at ridiculous times and getting up way too late. I have less than a month here now and I should be trying to make the most of it, instead of staying in the house all day. Tomorrow we're going to a panto in Plymouth, and we have to leave at quarter to nine. We're going on a train. I really really hope that I'm not too tired this time, like I was for the one that everyone went to before Christmas. I was left in the house feeling sorry for myself because I'd slept in.
Anyway. Not quite sure what the point of this post was and it's twenty to three in the morning so I think I'll go now.

x

Resolution.

(Thought I should make one of these. I've already posted today but I saw Isaac's and I was like "why didn't I do that?")

I didn't make any resolutions for this year. I never keep mine, because I'm so useless at doing things that in the long run will make me happy. Usually I'm focussed with how my actions will effect me immediately.
For instance, if I'm feeling particularly hungry I'll eat way too much food- and usually the wrong kind- because in that moment it makes me feel better, when I should be thinking about how crap I'll be feeling later.

So I think that's my resolution: to think about the long term consequenses. It's a pretty broad kind of thing, but that's good. I'm entering a new phase of my life this year and some change will do me good.

Random Music Post:

England Playlist-

• Fuck You: Cee-Lo Green
• Delicate: Damien Rice (asgsfdasfgd I love this song!)
• To The End: Blur
• Not Alone: Darren Criss (and this one!!!!)
  
• Baby, It's Cold Outside: Darren Criss & Chris Colfer (Glee)
• I'm Not The One: The Black Keys
• Almost Lover: A Fine Frenzy
• Little Lion Man: Mumford & Sons (aaaaand this one!!)
  
• The Cave: Mumford & Sons
• King of Spain: Moxy Fruvous (lololol)
• Panic: The Smiths
• O Children: Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds (and this one! :'( )
• I See The Light: Mandy Moore and Zachary Levi, Tangled soundtrack (don't hate- I love this movie :D and OMFG Zachary's voice o: )
  

ː̗̀☀̤̣̈̇ː̖́ H̲̣̣̣̥ɑ̤̥̈̊ρ̥̥ρ̩̩̩̩̥ÿ̲̣̣̣̥ N̤̥̈̊є̲̣̥ω̲̮ γ̥ε̲̣̣̣̥α̍̍̊я̩̥̊ ː̗̀☀̤̣̈̇ː̖́