Day 13

A fictional book.

Sophie's Choice, by William Styron.

Finally finished it today. It was hard to get through, but so, so sad.

Yeah, so I'm not gonna talk about the party cause pretty much everyone was there, and I can't be bothered, so whatever.

Speechless

I passed one half of my Geography exam! I got an A on my skills paper, which is pretty damn good for me, and an A on the section of my essay paper that I actually tried. We also did a scholarship paper to see what it's like and I got 7/24, while most of the class got around 2-6. Yaaaay me. I also did better than I expected in History, though worse that I'd expected in English, which is a bummer.

So the Tumblr Challenge is another Whatever tickles your fancy thingy.

Lots of things "tickle my fancy", like good books (HOMG Sophie's Choice is so sad and I am so nearly finished!), good movies and good music. Just simple things. I thought I'd share just one song with you people, and I am COMMANDING you to listen to it, the WHOLE thing, no matter what your preconceived opinion of the artist is, based on their other songs or anything else: Speechless.

It rates 8th in my Top 25 Most played, with 26.

Yaaay.

K, I'ma go now. Tata, my luvverlies :)

Stress stress stress!

Damn Uni is stressful already, and I'm not even there yet D: I've been e-mailing people all week and researching things and trying to get to know as much as possible about the process. I only have until December this year to get sorted, which, when you think about it, is no time at all.

I've been looking at accommodation, student loans, accommodation allowances and loans, I've been talking to Mum about money, and arguing with Mum about money, and trying to find a job. Mum wont let me work for Le Reve, so I have to find something else, preferably in Marton or Bulls. If anyone knows of any possibilities tell me, cause I'm getting desperate. I wish wish WISH we lived in Feilding. Sanson is ridiculous.

So anyway. The Tumblr challenge today is A photo taken of you recently. I just went through some Facebook things and picked something out, cause yeah. Here:

A month and a bit ago is recent, right? Never mind.

Au revoir :)

*Flails*

A photo of you taken over ten years ago.

I really wanted to find a new photo, one that isn't already on Facebook and which you may have already seen, but Mum has all the photo albums packed away and I can't scan anything new, so here:

I chose this photo cause it's pretty funny as well as having been taken when I was around 3-4. That's me, obviously, on the left, and on the right is my sort-of-cousin Jacob. His mum, Samantha, is my mum's best friend. He's Jewish, and my age, only much much smarter. I just find it funny cause he's wearing pink pj's :D

Au revoir :)

Day 9

A photo you took.

This is a photo of a wild bunny from on our farm :D Took it last year or something, I dunno.


And just cause I couldn't resist, here are some more photos from my albums. Just some randoms bits that I thought I'd share.





1. This is from a little outing to Palmy that Chrissy and I took a while ago. It's so funny to see how she's changed, like the long hair! :D

2. The me equivalent of that first photo, only... slightly more retarded :D

3. My little sister Ellie. I'm guessing she was around 6-7 here.

4. The Broken Guy box! This is a photo from the Westwood Camp we took early 2009. It was a box of broken guy ropes, not actual guy people, just in case you're that stupid... :D

And yes! There we have it. I wanted to add more but the image thing was being a dick, so yeah.

Au revoir! :3

There's Nothing Like You Guys

There's nothing like your friends to make you feel better about yourself :) I know that everyone has their moments where they feel like life is crap, but not everyone has people who can tell them otherwise. I love you guys xx

So anyway, the Tumblr 30 Day Challenge is A Photo That Makes You Angry/Sad. The photo that I have chosen is not a photo sad in appearance, but in memory.



It makes me sad because my childhood was just so perfect, up until when I turned 9. We had a beautiful house, I had great friends, and though my parents didn't always get on they were still together, and to be honest I don't really remember them fighting so much. Now I live in a town I hate, too far from everywhere else, my dad lives 7 hours away, and though my friends are still awesome, I regret not staying in touch with the ones I used to have.

I sometimes wonder what my life would be like had we stayed in Albany, but I might as well not bother, because there's no way to reverse time. Ah well.

I suppose I'd better go do something productive.

Ha.

:)

Happytime!

Today's Tumblr 30 Day Challenge is A Photo That Makes You Happy.

This photo makes me happy:


It was taken I think when I was in year 11, cause that's when I got a polar fleece. It just makes me happy cause it's such a great photo, not too silly and without any idiots photo-bombing.

Anyways. I don't have anything else to say, I guess, so bye :D

This Is Going To Be One Of THOSE Posts

The kind that I will regret the minute I post it. I already regret it and I've barely started. Everyone is inside watching American Idol so I can be sure of peace and quiet for at least half an hour. Do you ever have those days where everything is kind of borderline shit, and then something comes along which makes your whole life unbearable and you feel like crawling into a dark corner, sticking a paper bag over you head and just willing yourself to sleep until everything gets better? I know I sound all "emo" (which is so two years ago, BTW), but it's true, it feels like that. I had one of those days.

Everyone says, "You shouldn't care about what other people think, because their opinions don't matter". Well fuck them, they DO matter. People's opinions are the foundations for a lot of things in life: your relationships, your jobs, your friends... I try not to let things get to me but they always do.

Then there's the confusion. The opinions that contradict each other. How is it that some people think I'm some hideous fat person while others say "who's your hot friend?" (though of course they went off with someone else before you could get a word in). Fuck them all, I try to say, they don't matter. You're stuck with what you've got and you might as well try to live with it. You get what you're given and all that rubbish.

The world is unfair, and we all know that. Some people get all the luck- the brains, the beauty, the friends and the fame- and some are lacking in something.

I might as well just stop here. I'm only embarrassing myself. I'm gonna go and eat some food and get fatter and wallow in my own misery, and throw things at the pretty people on TV.

Good night, my luvverlies :)

D:

Today's topic: Whatever Tickles Your Fancy.

What to do? How about if I share something I learned today? OK. Here we go. This is a very random fact which I discovered in my browsing, something which I already partly knew about. Yeeeaaah, I know it's scientific and stuff but oh well. Also this, which could be exciting had they actually MADE SOMETHING COOL, like a Yeti or a... a triffid.

Yeah.

So today I had my last exam. I'm pretty sure I bombed. The essay question was easy but I think that I didn't write enough, and the resource thingy was ridiculously hard, so I only ended up doing one question. Crap D:

English was ridiculously easy, and Geo was... Geo. I'm just glad it's all over and I get two hours of study to read in on Monday. Not so keen on two hours of Tourism, though...

Oh well. See you lot on Monday :)

Let's Make With The Jam

I recently borrowed a book of columns from my English teacher. It is called Unmuzzled, and all of the columns were written by a New Zealand born columnist named Joe Bennett. They're all very funny, and are about things like cows made of tins, spiders, dogs, jandals, crosswords and people who say there's a first time for everything. I almost met him once, because Mum, who knows people, invited him to an exhibition which I attended, but he couldn't go. I wouldn't have know then who he was but I would now. Ha. The title of this post is a title of one of his columns, about how machinery and noise had polluted the beach he likes.

Interesting, right? No. I'm boring. I'm sorry.

---

So anyway, since Jess never posts and since I am impatient, I decided to look up the Tumblr 30 Day Challenge and do the next one now.

Your Favorite Quote.

Oh, easy easy easy. I mentioned this in my last post because it's from one of my favourite books:

"And in that moment, I swear we were infinite"- Charlie, The Perks of Being a Wallflower.

---

Last exam tomorrow (History)! Plus a two hour Classics period. HOPEFULLY I can get the booklet I'm working on finished and start on the internal assessment.
Next unit is on Alexander The Great. Sounds much more interesting than boring-as-hell pottery and vase making. Speaking of, how do you say vase? Do you say it like vayse or vahze? I always thought that both were right but apparently only the latter option is :O

Alrighty then, got to go and fold washing and stuff. You know, all those fun jobs that are part of living with your parents? Yeah. See you lot tomorrow :) xx

Oh Lawd

Tumblr's 30 Day Challenge. I knew the next one would be a book one.

Your Favourite Book.

Crap. Okay. List. With sidenotes of why, because I'm just awesome like that.

- Tender Morsels by Margot Lanagan (a soft, yet underlyingly evil story).

- A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess (weird, ("horrorshow") with a despicable main character who you can't help but root for).

- The Time Traveller's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger (sad and beautiful, and original).

- The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky (I haven't read it in a while but I remember the main character, Charlie, as being this innocent little guy, and I remember this one quote, "and in that moment, I swear we were infinite").

- The Stand by Stephen King (a story of EPIC proportions and INCREDIBLE length, written by a master storyteller who weaves the storyline around his characters intricately).

- The Knife of Never Letting Go by Patrick Ness (dystopian setting and characters you empathize with).

- Tandia by Bryce Courtenay (there's an icky rapey scene or two, but it was the sequel to The Power of One and I loved it, because it reignighted old characters).

But the best, without a doubt, is Catch-22, by Joseph Heller. Catch-22, to summarise, is an anti-war novel which took eight years to write. It has a sequel, Closing Time, which I didn't enjoy as much. The book is funny, in a sarcastic sort of way, with all these awesome characters, such as Major Major (rank) Major (first name) Major (last name), and the Chaplain, and Orr, the weird one. And the guy in Yossarian's tent who died, whose possessions they cannot remove because he was never registered and died on his first mission. I loved it from the first line.

Read it.

Anyways. Exams tomorrow. I spent two hours "studying", and I say this because I was working on a subject that I don't have an exam for. I feel like there's nothing I can do from this point. I just have to cross my fingers (and everything else) and hope that everything goes okay.

Night everyone, I'm off soon to read a little, then sleep :) xx

Goodness Gracious, It's Been A While!

Not really. I know you all missed me though. Me, the serial blogger. I apologize for the last, terribly emo blog post; I was in a fragile state of mind and I can assure you all that I'm working on getting over it.

I don't think I've missed a lot, really. No way am I going through the thousands of new Facebook messages I've had since the 11th, especially since I have so many on Deviantart.com... Every time one of the people I watch posts a piece of art, I get a notification. As it is, I have a grand total of 669. Not to mention the 158 journals, comments, replies, news articles, polls and community notices... I'm looking forward to it!

I'm a bit disappointed in you guys. I get here after a week away and apart from all of Rachel's blogs, which I'm very pleased about :), I find a meagre ten or so. Jeez.
I do like Jessica's Tumblr thingy, though. I'd quite like to do it as she does. Haha, I'm a copycat! Ha.

No one minds? Okay.

1. Your Favourite Song.

My oh my, that's a hard one. It changes a lot. If I were to go by my iTunes top 25, it would be Jeff Buckley's version of Hallelujah, but that's not really right. Uhm. Oh gosh. Okay. Um. Um.

It has to be a Florence and the Machine Song. I never get sick of her. She's luvverly.
Uhm. Okay, top ten, as of now.

Cosmic Love, F+tM.
The Remedy, Jason Mraz
(Cover of) Wicked Game, HIM
Last Goodbye, Jeff Buckley
If There's A Rocket Tie Me To It, Snow Patrol
Blow Away, A Fine Frenzy
Speechless, Lady Gaga (yes, I know)
Valerie, The Zutons
Don't Look Back In Anger, Oasis
Drive, Incubus

I can't choose. Crap. Never mind.

2. Your Favourite Movie

Top five? Okay.

Donnie Darko
Children of Men

That's all I can think of. Wow. I've seen so many movies- oh

The Day After Tomorrow

Um.

It's Children of Men, I guess. Great actors (Clive Owen, Julianne Moore, Michael Caine), documentary-style camera work, great story, and based on a book. I haven't read the book, but I'm guessing in advance that they did a good job with it.

3. Your Favourite Television Programme

Grey's Anatomy, simple as that.
And it's on toniiiight :D :D

And lastly, this. If you want to stop reading here, feel free. What follows is a quote from my current read: Sophie's Choice, by William Styron. So, here we go:

"...in reading George Steiner, I experienced the shock of recognition.
"One of the things I cannot grasp, though I have often written about them, trying to get them into some kind of bearable perspective," Steiner writes, "is the time relation." Steiner has just quoted descriptions of the brutal deaths of two Jews at the Treblinka extermination camp. "Precisely at the same hour in which Mehring and Langner were being done to death, the overwhelming plurality of human beings, two miles away on the Polish farms, five thousand miles away in New York, were sleeping or eating or going to a film or making love or worrying about the dentist. This is where my imagination balks. The two orders of simultaneous experience are so different, so irreconcilable to any common norm of human values, their coexistence is so hideous a paradox-- Treblinka is both because some men have built it and almost all other men let it be-- that I puzzle over time. Are there, as science fiction and Gnostic speculation imply, different species of time in the same world, 'good time' and enveloping folds of inhuman time, in which men fall into the slow hands of the living damnation?"
Until I read this passage I had rather simple-mindedly thought that only I had entertained such speculation, that only I had become obsessed about the time relation-- to the extent, for example, that I had attempted more or less successfully to pinpoint my own activities on the first day of April, 1943, the day when Sophie, entering Auschwitz, fell into the "slow hands of the living damnation.""

"Stingo", the narrator, then goes to explain that as this was happening, he was gorging himself on bananas, in order to gain weight for entrance into the Marine Corps.

I suppose I put this quote in here because the thought had crossed my mind before, admittedly not in so much depth, but it had appeared nonetheless.

Long post is long D:

Bye everyone, off to watch Grey's :D :D xx

Numb

In a disarray. Horrified. Listless. Mindless. Souless. Bodyless.

I hate other people and the things they do.

A flurry of quiet and no emotion. I'm not even sure how I feel. I think it might be mostly shock. I'm in shock.

I shouldn't be on here, but I have to get my feelings down.
Feelings? Where? Someone give them back to me. Give me my anger so I can properly feel it, give me my grief.





Maybe I'm just overreacting.

No, I'm not. I'm a teenager, I'm allowed to cry, only my tears ran away and they took my mind with them.

This will pass, this will pass, this will pass. When he's gone for good and my life- my life. Wont be the same. Itwontbethesame. Wontbethesame.

Fuck.


I'm going. To mope.

x

Worried

I'm a little bit worried about my weight right now. About two weeks ago I was sitting around 69.5, yesterday I was at 68.3 and just then I was at 67.4. I haven't been doing anything to make this happen. At all. I hope I'm not sick, or something, because though I do want to lose weight I don't want to do it like this :(

Triste

I just had to post another Florence and the Machine song. This one is called Bird Song. It's about a bird.

Well I didn't tell anyone but a bird flew by
Saw what I done he set up a nest outside
And he sang about what I'd become

He sang so loud, sang so clear
I was afraid all the neighbours would hear
So I invited him in just to reason with him
I promised I wouldn't do it again

But he sang louder and louder inside the house
And now I couldn't get him out
So I trapped him under a cardboard box
Stood on it to make him stop
I picked up the bird and above the din
I said that's the last time you'll ever sing
Held him down, broke his neck
Taught him a lesson he wouldn't forget

But in my dreams I began to hear
The old familiar
Tweet tweet tweet

I opened my mouth to scream and shout
And I waved my arms and flapped about
But I couldn't scream and I couldn't shout
Couldn't scream and I couldn't shout

I opened my mouth to scream and shout
And I waved my arms and flapped about
But I couldn't scream and I couldn't shout
The song was coming from my mouth

Some websites say that there's another verse after "taught him a lesson he wouldn't forget" about her eating the bird, but the version I have doesn't have that. It makes more sense, though, cause at the end of the song she's singing like a bird.
I just can't stop listening to her songs. The lyrics are so dark and deep and meaningful sometimes and I love her voice. She's not the best live performer but her songs... Dog Days is two plays away from the top spot on my iTunes.

Today was an average day. Even though I only went to bed 12 this morning I ended up getting up at 1. I woke up at 9 and then fell asleep again :O I'm still tired, though! I'm always so freaking tired. It must all the worrying I do, because I do a LOT of worrying.

Sometimes it feels like my brain is about to disintegrate.

I could easily not be so sad, I could have just done what anyone else would have done. Sometimes I get so mad at myself for doing such stupid things. Oh, but it's too late now! There's only, what, one? two? months left? Stupidstupidstupid. The way some people talk I just don't think I should anyway, even though it's a fucking miracle.
I'm not going to explain myself. I don't want to. Well, I do. But I don't. The don't usually wins.

I hate the don't.
I hate my insecurity.
I hate my loneliness.
I hate the people that make me feel it.
And I love them too.

Things are going to suck once June rolls around, I just know it.

xx

Nostalgia

Today was average. Except maybe for lunchtime, which was hilarious.
All of my classes today were lonesome. In English we had two people, History three, Geo four, Classics none, Tourism 10. So much fun.

So anyway. Nostalgia.

I'd completely and utterly forgotten about this song: Glorafilia, by Zed. It reminds me so much of my childhood! Lots of songs do, like Sex and Candy (Macy Playground), Tubthumping (Chumbawamba), Drops of Jupiter (Train) and Glorafilia, along with Renegade Fighter, also by Zed. I wish music now could be more like it was back then.
I also rediscovered Incubus. Drive and Are You In are my favourites.

NZ music from back then (and by this I mean back when there was much, much less Miley Cyrus and Lil Wayne types) was awesome. Like Supergroove's Sitting Inside My Head, and Autozamm's Closer To Home.

Also Sugar Ray's Every Morning and When It's Over. Good stuff.

Tori also refound a song called Ghetto Gospel, by 2Pac and Elton John. Awesome song.

Right, so, music thing over, now go look at this hilarious video!

Friday Friday Friday! Mum's in Wanganui and Irene went with her. It's so awesome being at the house pretty much alone. Spaghetti for dinner :D (Geo homework for desert).

Until next time :) xx

Thursday. Yerp.

I just finished my book. Holy crap. Basically, it is set in North America post destruction of today's modern life. There are 12 districts set up there, and one Capital (the Capitol). Every year the Capitol holds the Hunger Games, which two "tributes" ( a boy and a girl) from each district attend, basically as payment to the Capitol for the rebellion about eighty years ago. Katniss Everdeen, the main character, is tribute for her district. The book is basically about a bunch of kids dying in these sick minded games where the contestants are put into an arena and left to fend for themselves- the only way to get out is survive by killing the others and becoming the victor.

Obviously it's original; I've never read anything like it before. The writing was good enough to hold my attention, and the characters are all pretty interesting... it's just the themes that get to me a little. I mean, Stephen King praised it, though I suppose he would, because he's totally into that killing-off-of-good-characters thing, and Stephenie Meyer said it was good too, though what would she know?

I wish I had some award winning, weird book to read. I like weird books. The Hunger Games just made me a little uneasy. It's a trilogy too, and now I want to read 2 and 3 to see what happens.

Hm. Uneventful day. Friday tomorrow. Yuss.

Adios :)

EDIT: I am so angry.

I'm pretty possessive. I get incredibly angry when someone wrecks something of mine, or sometimes even touches or moves something or mine. I suppose everyone is like that to a degree, but with some things I take it a little further. How ironic that I, as a person who reads a lot, is able to keep my books pretty well maintained, while my sister, who, although although also a reader (who reads things of a considerably lower standard than the books I was reading at her age), cannot seem to read something of mine without destroying it.
Recently she borrowed Perfume: The Story of a Murderer from me. It's one of those nice, clean looking, orange and cream coloured Penguin classics. She had it in her bag, and somehow she managed to get this red and blue shit all over the cover. She mutilated parts of the edges and bent the covers back. It makes me so damn angry. The book was cheap, about ten bucks, but I still can't help but want to pick up something heavy, maybe the piano, and bash her over the head with it.

My Boy Builds Coffins

Had to repost cause Blogger was acting like a naughty child :)

My boy builds coffins with hammers and nails
He doesn't build ships, he has no use for sails
He doesn't make tables, dresses or chairs
He can't carve a whistle cause he just doesn't care

My boy builds coffins for the rich and the poor
Kings and queens them all knocked on his door
Beggars and liars, gypsies and thieves
They all come to impact he's so eager to please

My boy builds coffins he makes them all day
But it's not just for work and it isn't for play
He's made one for himselfOne for me too
One of these days he'll make one for you

My boy builds coffins for better or worse
Some say its a blessing, some say its a curse
He fits them together in sunshine or rain
Each one is unique, no two are the same

My boy builds coffins and i think it's a shame
That when eachones been made, he can't see it again
He crafts every one with love and repair
Then its thrown in the ground and it just doesn't fit

My boy builds coffins he makes them all day
But it's not just for work and it isn't for play
He's made one for himself
One for me too
One of these days he'll make one for you

- Florence and the Machine.

Love it. Discovered her early this year and I lovelovelove all her music- what I've heard so far, anyway.

Other songs by her:
Dog Days
Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up)
Blinding (one of my faves)
Girl With One Eye
Drumming Song
Kiss With A Fist
My Best Dress

Also: Cover of Halo, by Beyoncé.

One Hundred Bottles Of Beer On The Wall...

Not literally. I'm not sure why anyone would want to do that. I don't like beer, anyway, and it would taste even worse if you left it on a wall for a while.

So the weekend was goooood. I don't even remember what happened on Saturday. I don't know if that's an indication of how chillaxed I was or of how boring my life is. Yesterday was great too. Chrissy and I spent a while at Nadias, drinking apple cider and chatting about stuff. We had Subway, and it would have been good if the bitch serving me had bothered to toast it.

Sadly, like the dick that my body can be sometimes, I had to go ruin it. Just as we were about to leave I almost fainted, and had to spend several seconds crouched on the bathroom floor. I thought it had gone away and went back to the kitchen, only to have it return about three times as bad with the added pleasure of a loss of hearing and a headache. Needless to say, the car ride home was not fun.

Other than that it was awesome, and great to see Nadia again :)

Course, this morning I felt like crap, with yesterdays symptoms only toned down and spread out over six hours. I finally feel better after sleeping all day.

I actually genuinely hate missing school, but I also hate being at school while sick. I also hate being called a wagger. It actually makes me angry, for reasons I can't explain.

I also can't explain why what happened yesterday happened. Maybe it was mixing apple cider with red wine, or the chicken in my sub, or just some random thing that'll never have a particular reason.

This is my one hundredth post. I guess that explains the title. Sort of. I think that a 100th post needs a celebration, so here:

Have some naice caek.

.eltiT dooG A fO knihT oT yzaL ooT

This my 99th post!

Hmm everything is so relaxing now that my History assignment is finished. I keep going "I should be doing something important!" and then I think "no, no I shouldn't...", and I carry on eating my chocolate cake.

I don't actually have cake. I should, but I don't.

So Chrissy and Sam posted this on FB today:

"MEN... Whatever you give a woman, she will make it greater. Give her sperm, she will give you a baby. Give her a house, she will give you a home. Give her groceries, she will give you a meal. Give her a smile, she will give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what she is given."

So, so true. Men are nothing without women. If all the women died, men couldn't carry on the human race, they all end up trying to copulate with monkeys and possums. If all the men died, women would go to nearest sperm bank and make more men, therefore solving the problem.

Today was average. Up at 10.30, Facebook, Dylan Moran, a Movie (Secret Window), dinner, American Idol, more Facebook. What a terribly exciting life I lead.

I think lead should be spelt "leed". Cause it makes me think of lead. Like what used to be in pencils. And "read" makes me think "red" when it should be "reed". Gah English. Okay.
Off now.