Triste

I just had to post another Florence and the Machine song. This one is called Bird Song. It's about a bird.

Well I didn't tell anyone but a bird flew by
Saw what I done he set up a nest outside
And he sang about what I'd become

He sang so loud, sang so clear
I was afraid all the neighbours would hear
So I invited him in just to reason with him
I promised I wouldn't do it again

But he sang louder and louder inside the house
And now I couldn't get him out
So I trapped him under a cardboard box
Stood on it to make him stop
I picked up the bird and above the din
I said that's the last time you'll ever sing
Held him down, broke his neck
Taught him a lesson he wouldn't forget

But in my dreams I began to hear
The old familiar
Tweet tweet tweet

I opened my mouth to scream and shout
And I waved my arms and flapped about
But I couldn't scream and I couldn't shout
Couldn't scream and I couldn't shout

I opened my mouth to scream and shout
And I waved my arms and flapped about
But I couldn't scream and I couldn't shout
The song was coming from my mouth

Some websites say that there's another verse after "taught him a lesson he wouldn't forget" about her eating the bird, but the version I have doesn't have that. It makes more sense, though, cause at the end of the song she's singing like a bird.
I just can't stop listening to her songs. The lyrics are so dark and deep and meaningful sometimes and I love her voice. She's not the best live performer but her songs... Dog Days is two plays away from the top spot on my iTunes.

Today was an average day. Even though I only went to bed 12 this morning I ended up getting up at 1. I woke up at 9 and then fell asleep again :O I'm still tired, though! I'm always so freaking tired. It must all the worrying I do, because I do a LOT of worrying.

Sometimes it feels like my brain is about to disintegrate.

I could easily not be so sad, I could have just done what anyone else would have done. Sometimes I get so mad at myself for doing such stupid things. Oh, but it's too late now! There's only, what, one? two? months left? Stupidstupidstupid. The way some people talk I just don't think I should anyway, even though it's a fucking miracle.
I'm not going to explain myself. I don't want to. Well, I do. But I don't. The don't usually wins.

I hate the don't.
I hate my insecurity.
I hate my loneliness.
I hate the people that make me feel it.
And I love them too.

Things are going to suck once June rolls around, I just know it.

xx